Young and Childfree

Blog for Choice Day 2012

2012-01-22T11:46:00.001-06:00

This year, we want your thoughts in answering this question: What will you do to help elect pro-choice candidates in 2012?

Yup, it's that time of the year again. I actually caught this in time to write a decent post this year, but as it is, there isn't much for me to say on the subject. (And before I go any further, I'm going to direct the anti-choice trolls I'm sure are reading here, and here. And for those trolls who don't feel like clicking on the links, I will reiterate what both of those pages contain. I will not tolerate you coming onto my blog to harass and/or argue with me. If you make an anti-choice comment, calling me a baby-hating murderer, asking me how I can live with myself, or whatever, your comment will be deleted. Why? Because, for one thing, I have neither the time nor the inclination to sit and argue with you. Even if I did, I wouldn't. You're not worth my time. For another thing, my blog, my rules, and I have a very low tolerance for anti-choice morons. If you're just here to troll, save us all some time and go somewhere else.) Now, back to the post.

I've never much cared for politics. I wasn't old enough to vote in the last presidential election, nor did I particularly care. They were all politicians, and all politics were boring to me, not to mention it always seemed like voters had to choose between the lesser of two evils. Why would I want to get involved, when it didn't seem it would matter? I never really understood how any of it worked, and I didn't care to learn (what can I say? My social studies classes were boring as hell and listening to my family talk about politics wasn't any more interesting.) When I got my driver's license, I could have registered to vote, but I didn't. I didn't care.

This year, I actually plan to vote. That there is a huge step for me--and it's all I know I can do at this point. I do intend to try to find other ways to do something. The attacks on choice in this last year were terrifying, to say the least. (And boy was I on the money with last year's Blog for Choice post; I was right to be worried. We have an "abortion ban"--just another name for the Personhood Amendment that some lunatics tried to pass in Mississippi recently--trying to be pushed through right now here in Kansas. I'll be posting more information on that later, once I have a chance to compile links and write a post.) And to make matters even worse, it seems like the anti-choice politicians were so busy trying to take away choice that they weren't worrying about the very real, very important problems that need to be addressed to keep this country from ending up in an even deeper hole than we're already in.

I would try to encourage my family to vote for pro-choice candidates, but I know that would be a wasted effort. I do plan to talk to my friends, though; I know they'll listen. I'll find other places to encourage more pro-choice voters to step up. That won't be an easy task, considering that the closest thing to social networking I bother with is this blog and LiveJournal, and I live in a primarily anti-choice area. But I'm going to try. Women are not second class citizens (we aren't incubators or less important than a partially-formed clump of cells, either) and I refuse to let us be treated that way again.

Pro-Choice, Part 1

2011-11-15T05:47:00.002-06:00

After a lot of time trying to get that pro-choice post together, I've decided to tackle it from a different angle. This will allow me to make sure I address everything, and I can work on and post it in chunks. It was turning out to be far too large of a project to do in one big piece, and it was starting to wear me down, so I'm afraid this is just going to have to do.

I doubt any of this is going to help much. I know full well that the most rabid anti-choicers--the ones who picket Planned Parenthood and support murdering abortionists, the ones crazy enough to try to declare a fertilized egg is a person--aren't going to be swayed by anything we have to say, no matter how fact-based it is. They're so set in the lies that there's no chance of changing their minds. But I'm doing this...I guess to try to lay the entire pro-choice argument out on the table in one place, in my own words, for anyone willing to take the time to read it. I'm also hoping that maybe, just maybe, this will reach someone, even just one person.

And to be honest, this project was very difficult to do. After everything I've seen I really, truly fear for the future of this country with people like those pro-lifers running around.

I will say right now that I will not tolerate anyone coming on here and calling me a baby-murderer, or asking me how I can live with myself, or anything of the sort. I've made it quite clear in other posts, but I'm going to say it again in case it's been skipped over: this is not a place for you to debate or question my beliefs or lifestyle choices, it's not your place to tell me I'm an evil, baby-hating murderer, it's not your place to tell me I'm wrong, or that I'll change my mind, it's not your place to come on here and berate or harass me, and any such comments will be deleted. I am not going to engage in a petty argument with anti-choicers who have nothing better to do with their time than troll child-free/pro-choice blogs.

If you're so damned worried about stopping abortion, then maybe you should be out there promoting safe sex, because no matter what you try to say or do, people are going to have sex. If they're better informed about protecting themselves, they're less likely to end up needing an abortion. If you care so much about those "babies" then get your asses out there and start helping the ones that are already here. The ones whose families are living in poverty, the ones whose mothers didn't want them but were pressured to have them, the ones who have special needs--they all need help a lot more than a clump of cells. Put your money where your mouth is, and then maybe we'll talk.

If you have genuine proof that any of my information is wrong, then please, feel free to share; I'm all for having correct information and I won't be insulted if I have to be corrected. But don't bring me "proof" from anti-choice websites. Don't bring me "proof" that's 20 years old. Don't bring me personal anecdotes, or religious "evidence" like, "oh well i regret my aborshun/i know some1 who regrets there aborshun/the bible says its rong so its rong u're evil."

Because you know what? On a lot of those anti-choice websites I read while trying to hunt down facts, their information was outdated. The websites themselves were obviously recent enough, certainly. But the information they had wasn't the most recent information available, and it isn't that hard to find if you just do a little bit of research. It's information that is available to the general public, from reputable sources. And while anecdotes are all well and good, those aren't hard facts. Neither is your bible. I'm also not going to sit here and argue religion with you, so you can take any religious bullshit elsewhere, too.

"What prompted this?" you may be asking. Honestly, a lot of things did. The ongoing struggle for an abortion clinic to open here in my city, the "personhood" amendment that (fortunately) got shot down in Mississippi, the ongoing struggle to keep our rights, and the amount of pure stupid I keep seeing from the so-called "pro-lifers" had a big hand in this. Granted, the whole thing in Mississippi is a more recent reason. But the thing that sparked this to begin with was an argument I had with my grandmother some time back. What she said has bothered me ever since, mainly because I used to think my grandmother was an intelligent woman.

How we got on the subject of abortion, I'm not even sure, though I have a feeling it had to do with Dr. Tiller's murder. For reasons that I can't even begin to fathom, she believes abortion is evil because it's killing a fully formed baby. She thinks that even at 3 months, it's a completely formed baby and that an abortion at that point--or any point--is the dismemberment and slow torture of that fully formed, but tiny baby. And you know, I was never very good in biology. I found the subject wholly boring and spent most of my high school biology class, and the health classes that talked about the development of a zygote/embryo/fetus, sketching or passing notes with my friends. Yet I still know that at the stage that most abortions are performed the embryo/fetus (because that's what it is) is not fully formed. It has no chance in hell of survival outside the womb.

So yes, my grandmother is the reason I even started this project. I think I may have sooner or later anyway, honestly, because the right to choose and the right to use contraception are important facets of the childfree lifestyle. But she prompted me to start it a lot sooner than I would have otherwise.

During my quest for facts, I ran across a disturbing trend: anti-choice sites masquerading as pro-choice, as showing both sides. They did show both sides, but they were heavily slanted towards "abortion is evil, don't do it." No truly pro-choice site would sound as though it was trying to strongly discourage abortion. I'm going to be creating a page (will be linked above, with the about and home links) dedicated to weeding out the pro-liar sites. We don't deserve to be lied to, and I'm going to do what little part I can to try to make sure it doesn't happen.

I'm going to end this post here and get started on the next post, where I'll really get started with the pro-choice stuff.

Regarding the pro-choice post I mentioned some time back...

2011-08-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's been some time since I had mentioned the pro-choice post I was working on. It's still in the works. There's a lot to cover and I'm a little overwhelmed with all the information.

To be totally honest, the post is very difficult to write, not because of the time I've been spending hunting down actual facts, or because of the overwhelming amount of information and things that need to be covered, but because so much of what the anti-choice side says just makes me sick to my stomach. They just want to control women. They care more about the fetus than anything else. They don't care what happens to the mother, or the fetus once it's born - just that the fetus IS born. After that, they don't care.

Reading some of the sites that claim to show both sides, but are really anti-choice, scares me. It scares me what they're trying to do. It scares me that they're claiming to show both sides, when really they're just pushing the anti-choice agenda even more. It scares me, the claims they make and try to validate. It makes me want to cry, and go into hiding, or get the hell out of this country before it's too late. I feel physically ill thinking about what they want to do.

They're trying to take away choice. They don't care if a woman was raped, or can't afford another child, or would die if a pregnancy continued, or if she just doesn't want a kid. They don't care about all the kids growing up unwanted and unloved. I know all too well what it's like growing up unwanted. They don't care if kids are subjected to that. They seem to have their head in the sand, thinking it hardly happens, despite evidence to the contrary. They seem to think that as soon as an unwanted baby is born, it's suddenly loved and wanted by the mother. No. Fucking no. That doesn't happen. It's fairy tales. Maybe it does change for some women, but it doesn't for all of them, even if that's what they claim. Some have probably just resigned themselves to being stuck.

I feel so many emotions when I see the anti-choice side, none of them good.

I can't remove myself from this emotionally. I wish I could. It would be so much easier to finish the post. I want to finish it, desperately, but I have yet to be able to sit through the lies and propaganda long enough to do much. And unfortunately, I do have to sift through it, because I need to know the other side, too, in order to make my arguments.

They seem to be trying to come off as compassionate, but all I'm getting out of it is condescension, that sort of, "oh, you think you know the facts, but you don't. It's okay. I'll educate you and show you the RIGHT path" thing, like the way I've seen people talked down to because they don't follow Christianity.

That just makes me even angrier, even sicker. It makes me want to just let go of all my control and scream and cry and...I don't even know.

I'm sure this isn't terribly coherent. I'm drained now, from trying to cram as much into one research session as possible. But I wanted to let you all know that I will get that post finished. It's just going to take more time, and I may even have to end up asking for outside help. This is bigger than I thought it would be, and I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

(In fact, if any of my readers would like to contribute some information - recent stats in regards to abortion and maternal mortality rates, adoption rates and the number of kids in the system and the ages at which most are adopted/get out of the system, anything - please, let me know. Leave a comment, email me, whatever. You'll be credited, definitely.)

Childfree spaces online

2011-08-03T10:18:00.000-05:00

There seem to be quite a lot of people of the mind that there's no point in having communities, forums, and blogs relating to childfreedom. At least, that's the impression I'm getting. I've seen numerous comments around the web, especially lately, ranging from wonder to why our communities exist to anger and defensiveness at the existence of them. Well, if they think we don't need them, do they think the same thing about mommy blogs and parenting forums? Pet communities? Blogs, forums and communities relating to cooking, music, sports, and video games? No, I'm sure they don't.

I've heard that we shouldn't revel in being childfree. But by that train of thought, maybe they shouldn't revel in being parents or sports enthusiasts.

Fact of the matter is, we need support (and places to talk to like-minded people) just as much as, or even more than, parents or anyone else. Our choice is often looked down on, questioned, and attacked. Why shouldn't we have safe spaces to talk to other people without having to deal with a parent jumping in constantly to try to bring attention to their kid? If we were to try to tell a parent like that to stay on topic and stop bringing up their kids, we'd be jumped on by just about every person in the thread and it would be turned into an 'attack the childfree' free-for-all; I've seen it happen, and I've had it happen to me. No matter how polite you are, you're still suddenly labeled a bitter, horrible child-hater. (Is it any wonder, then, when some childfree people do end up saying to hell with being nice? Seems, sometimes, like there's no point trying if we're going to be attacked either way.)

Why shouldn't we have safe places to rant if something annoyed us regarding children or shitty parenting? Trying to rant about bad parents or bratty children on a general forum tends to only get people jumping on the "well you're just a bitter childless baby-hater" or "you're not a parent so you don't know how haaaard it is" bandwagon. Trust me, I've tried. It just ends in frustration and angry, bitter feelings where they weren't any to begin with.

Hell, just trying to bring up anything childfree on a general forum tends to lead to parents and wannabe parents diving in to attack without mercy; it's like we're magnets. They zero in on the things they perceive as personal attacks (read: anything at all that infers a person doesn't absolutely looooove da wittle babbies and/or have or want any of their own) and then that's it for the childfree person/people involved. Maybe it's just the forums I lurk on, but I've yet to see a CF topic remain alive and un-attacked by parents for very long.

Why shouldn't we have places we can go to if we want to share something that we experienced? How many people on a general forum are going to care if one of us manages to get sterilized? The only people who care are the people who also want it done and know how hard it can be to achieve. Childfree love hearing about sterilization success stories. Parents don't; they don't care, either because they think we're insane for not wanting kids and will regret it one day - and they'll jump in and ruin the mood by saying so - or because they think it's as easy as going to a doctor, saying "sterilize me" and it will happen. We know better - what a struggle it is to find a doctor who will take us serious, who won't be a condescending asshole, will actually consider that we do know what we want.

What's wrong with being able to get support from like-minded people? If we're getting bingoed left and right, or need advice on bringing up our childfree status with loved ones, or finding a CF-friendly doctor, who better to help us than people who've gone through it themselves? I wouldn't ask a parent for advice on things like that.

And sometimes we just need the knowledge that we aren't alone in our choices. When I was growing up, I was the only one I knew of who didn't want kids of my own one day. I was always told I would change my mind. My mom told me that there were people who didn't want kids so I should stop worrying about it. But I couldn't, because I didn't know any of these mythical "don't want kids" people. Everyone I knew said, "Oh, I said the same thing when I was your age! Look at me now! I have kids and I LOOOOOVE them more than anything! You'll change your mind, too." I was sure those were the people she was talking about and she just wanted me to shut up (she wouldn't have kept hearing about it, though, if she hadn't kept up with the "one day when you have kids..."-type shit). I think, among other things, the feeling of being so alone contributed to my depression and social anxiety.

Who likes feeling isolated? But of course, I knew things wouldn't be any better if I ignored my feelings and just followed the crowd. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. When I stumbled on the term "childfree", I was in awe. There really were other people like me. Finding communities and forums full of people who stood by their choice not to have children, and blogs written by childfree individuals, and being able to communicate with them made a huge difference in my life.

I do still feel isolated in real life. I'm surrounded by parents. My choice is often questioned, attacked, belittled by those around me, and some days it's almost unbearable...but I have like-minded people I can reach out to online. They understand what I'm going through. And now I can extend that same lifeline, like they did for me.

I wonder...do parents not want us to have that support, so that maybe we'll give in and have kids, and join them in their misery? Is that it? Or do they feel attacked somehow? Odd, that one, when society bows down so much to parents and kids.

I guess the whole thing can just be boiled down to one more of the many double-standards that some people throw out there for the childfree.

O_O Wow

2011-08-01T21:58:00.000-05:00

I'm on a roll with posts at the moment, aren't I? Guess it's a good thing for you guys my knee is acting up, because all I can do without having sharp pain in my knee is sit with it outstretched, which leaves me no choice but to be on the computer. I have a couple more posts in the queue, but I'm going to try to space those out a little more.

And if anyone has anything they'd like me to blog about, feel free to leave a suggestion in the comments and if it's something I think I can do (like snarking articles or lists, or a topic or bingo I've yet to cover), then I'll add that to my list.

Why is it wrong for a woman to not want kids?

2011-08-01T21:51:00.000-05:00

This is something else I've been trying to figure out lately. I've wondered before why people think it's their business if someone reproduces or not, but until recently I'd never really given any thought to why so many people think it's wrong for us to not want kids, or think there must be something wrong with us for feeling that way.

Why is that? Is it because we're biologically capable of having kids, so they think it means we should? I've said before that I refuse to have my preferences, and this includes my life choices, defined by what body parts I happen to have. Why should I or anyone else? I'm a human being, not a freaking incubator/walking womb. I'm a person with thoughts, opinions, feelings, desires and dreams. Those are what define me.

And why should the fact that someone can do something mean that they should? Last time I checked, the general rule was that just because you can do something doesn't mean it's a good idea and that you should. I think this applies to having kids, too.

Do people insisting we're wrong think that humans will go extinct? Or maybe they think we need to out-breed [religion] or [race]? We won't go extinct just because some people don't want kids; there are more than enough people making up for our choice. The entire human race is not going to go extinct over night because a small percentage of the population can't or won't procreate.

Then there are people who seem to think that because we can and someone else can't, then we should have kids. After all, isn't our job to live out other people's dreams when they can't, even if their dream would make us miserable? Oh, wait, no it isn't. Yes, it's a shame when someone really wants kids and can't have them and I'm sure it's frustrating for them to watch people who can have kids refuse to - anyone in a similar situation would be frustrated. But if you, say, lost your ability to run marathons, would you try to force some random person on the street to run marathons in your place and get mad at them when they said they don't like to run? "But you can! I can't and you can so you have to do it because I can't. Are you trying to rub it in my face that I can't run marathons anymore?! You're horrible for refusing to do something I want to but can't!"

Doesn't make much sense, does it? So why do it to the childfree?

And what is with this whole "[religion/race] is out-breeding us! They're going to take over if we don't have more [another religion/race] babies!" We're all people, for crying out loud. And so sorry if you're prejudiced against other religions or races but that isn't my problem; it's yours and it can stay that way. I'm not going to have kids just so there will be more babies of your preferred race or religion. No one else should have to do that, either. That's a shitty reason to have kids.

"Oh, yeah, Madysynleiaghahnusqly, the only reason we had you and your brothers and sisters is because we need to have more babies than all those other religions and races because they're evil and if we don't outnumber them they'll take over. Can't be having that. We didn't have you because we genuinely loved and wanted each of you."

Religion is a big part of the whole race to reproduce, too, isn't it? Of course it is. Gotta indoctrinate people young, after all, and the best way to do that is to have 'em born into the religion. And of course they conveniently forget that not everyone is the same religion they are (won't get into that here, though). Even if we don't believe in the same religion, we need to have babies, because it's "God's plan" for us. We should love babies because God says we should. (*ahem* And this would be the same God who ordered mass murders of innocent children, babies, and pregnant women, if I'm not mistaken.) Gotta do what God says and make everyone else in the world do the same thing.

And of course people think there must be something mentally wrong with us, if we don't want or like kids. Why? Just because it's the "norm" to want kids? It's not some kind of mental disease. It's not some kind of hormonal imbalance. We're not disturbed. Why are differences considered diseases? Aren't we past that shit yet? People have opinions and preferences; it's part of being human. If their choice isn't affecting you, why should you get in a say in it?

I maintain that it's no one's decision but ours if we want kids or not, and that there's nothing wrong with any woman who chooses not to have kids, whatever her reasons.

Why do they think they're the exceptions?

2011-08-01T20:05:00.002-05:00

You know, there's something I don't get about parents. Well, actually, there are a lot of things I don't get about them. But this particular one I experienced first hand from an acquaintance/classmate/sort-of friend. I had meant to post about it before but with life getting in the way I never got around to it.

We were sitting in class, waiting for the rest of our classmates to return from break, and he (yes, it was a dad who did this to me; I seem to have more dads pushing their kids on me than I do moms...) pulled out his phone completely out of the blue and insisted on showing me a picture of his 4 or 5 month old baby in her Easter outfit. I told him I didn't want to see it. He knew I don't like babies, nor do I find them cute, but I reiterated that just in case he had missed the memo before.

Still, he insisted, "But my daughter is cute!"

Uh, no. No she wasn't. She was a lump of flesh in a dress and bunny-ear headband, who I wouldn't know from any other baby. The only response he got was a deadpanned, "Okay, that's nice. She looks like every other baby. Not that special. Now will you stop trying to push babies on me? You know I hate them."

He insisted once more that she was cute and then went to show her picture off to everyone else in the room. I was apparently the only one who didn't give a damn about the thing.

I had another classmate back when I was in tech school who seemed to think that seeing a picture of his friend's brand new baby would make me feel better when I was stressed, exhausted and borderline depressed. Why?! щ(ﾟﾛﾟщ) It was an ugly, shriveled, little thing that belonged to someone whose name I didn't even know.

Why do people seem to think that their baby will be the exception to my "I don't like them and don't think they're cute" view? I mean, seriously. I really don't understand the mentalities of "every woman LOOOOVES babbies so you must too!" or "Well, you might not like babies, but you'll like MINE!"

Just because I happen to have boobs and a uterus does NOT mean I think, or am required to think, that babies are cute. It just means that I have boobs and a uterus. Gender and body parts do not dictate a person's likes or dislikes.

I don't care whose baby it is - a baby is a baby, and for me they range anywhere from 'meh, looks like all the other flesh loafs' (that is, mildly ugly, extremely creepy, and very much clone-like; the majority of babies) to 'damn that thing is ugly! Are you sure it's human?' (seeing more and more, but still not near the majority). Not interested.

ε＝（‐ω‐；；） I don't think I'll ever understand people...

Woah! You guys get ANOTHER post!

2011-07-30T00:57:00.000-05:00

Because sleep has not been forthcoming with this stupid heat, you guys are getting another post. With a DRAWING. Yay you? (Yeah, I seriously need some sleep (￣∇￣|||) )

Did you have a rotten childhood?

Well, yes, actually, I kind of did. Thanks for bringing it up, you insensitive baboon. But my childhood had no bearing on my lack of desire to be a parent. I just never wanted kids. Now, I did look at my childhood and think, "Yeah, it's a good thing I'm not having kids I don't want, because that could happen."

I didn't think, "I won't have kids because this happened." See, I know that if I wanted kids and had them, they wouldn't go through what I did because they'd be wanted. I basically wasn't wanted. But see, I don't want kids and I'm not going to give in to the pressure, so it's kind of a moot point. And because I am tired and bored, I'm illustrating this for people who need it (click to make it bigger):

That top pink person equation applies to my situation. And I promise I can actually draw. This was just something I whipped up in about 10 minutes, half asleep. But see, the craptacular childhood had no bearing on the other two parts of the equations. It might as well have not been there. It's like multiplying an expression in parentheses by one. I think. Don't quote me on that one. I haven't had an algebra class in *counts on fingers* almost 6 years. And I sucked at it. But I'm pretty sure that was a good analogy. Jeez, I'm gonna have one hell of a time when I have to take college algebra...

Besides, you don't have to have a bad experience with something to not want it.

How can you live with yourself?

Uh, easy. I know I'm not subjecting myself, a spouse, or a child to a life of certain misery.

Just wait until you have kids.

Yeah, see, you must really hate kids if you'd want to subject them to a crappy childhood with me as their parent. And that is what would happen, I can guarantee it. I love my pets a lot - I've spent a lot on vet bills to keep them healthy, I don't think twice about giving up sleep for them, my first thoughts when we get bad weather is to get them to safety - but they also don't require constant attention for the next 18+ years. If my pets were the kind of commitment a child is, I would never have gotten them because I don't want that kind of commitment.
If I were ever forced to have kids and keep them, I would take care of them out of obligation - I don't have it in me to physically hurt a living being - but I would resent every moment of it and I would hate them with every fiber of my being. And they would know it, because I am not good at hiding my emotions.

Hey, look, an actual post!

2011-07-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

So, yes, it's been a while since I've written a post of any sort of significance. I apologize for that. Real life has, sadly, only gotten more stressful as time has gone on (contrary to what I was hoping would happen). Clearly, hoping for things to settle down isn't going to help get posts written.

So, for the time being, you guys get story time, again. Mainly because I'm exhausted and therefore a bit too loopy to be writing anything serious.

I had to make a run to the store about 4 weeks ago. It was later in the evening, because it's been really freaking hot here (well, it's been that way all summer, actually. We've broken several records and apparently there were 30+ days straight of 100+ temperatures. Fun...) But, I of course didn't want to be out earlier in the evening when it was still in the hundreds, so waited until closer to dark. And I figured I'd miss most of the crowds by that point.

Yeah, not as much as I was hoping. But, I'm doing my shopping, minding my own business as usual, and I go up to the deli to get some lunch meat that my mom had requested. Okay, great, long line and only one deli worker up there. (´-ω-｀;) Not that I was surprised. I had worked there for a short time near the end of spring semester and I remembered what it was like in the evenings - bad scheduling and all that. And I wasn't in any rush, really. It was nice and cool in the store. The nice deli worker was getting through the rush pretty fast, and before long there was only one person in front of me.

So, there I am, waiting in line, when suddenly I heard this god-awful screech. Σ(ﾟωﾟﾉ)ノ I jumped and looked over my shoulder in the direction it had come from. The only possible culprit was the grinning toddler-in-a-cart over by the pre-made sandwich display. Well, I figured, those things do that sometimes. Not a big deal.

(￣ω￣；=) I wearily turned back around because the person in front of me was done. The deli worker took my order, and then from behind me came that horrible sound again.

Σ(-`Д´-ﾉ；)ﾉ?! The mombie was a couple feet behind me, just standing there and making faces at the grinning toddler-thing. It made that horrible sound again and the mombie acted all excited and proud of it. So it did it again. And again. And again. Because mombie was acting happy. And every time the toddler-thing shrieked, she would turn to beam at me and the deli worker. I think she thought her howler monkey was some sort of genius.

Did she think I was going to smile and coo, or something? Nope. It wasn't cute. It wouldn't have been cute if it had been quiet. But if it was quiet maybe I would have smiled at it. Maybe. But not once it started trying to imitate a banshee. All she got was a mildly pissed off 'WTF is your problem?' look from me.

This went on for another minute or two and then she moved the cart a few feet, over in front of the bakery and proceeded to repeat the act.

I left the poor deli worker to her job and went back to the rest of my shopping. I was still near enough to hear the screamer, though I think I would have been able to hear it on the other side of the store. The volume was rather similar to the tornado sirens we'd had to listen to regularly at the beginning of the summer.

When I came back up another isle nearer the bakery, I discovered that the mombie had moved back in front of the deli and was continuing to encourage the screaming and look all proud of the thing in her cart. She wasn't ordering anything, waiting in line, or browsing - just walking back and forth in front of the bakery and deli, beaming proudly at the workers after every tornado siren imitation.

She was more or less freaking baby-stalking the poor bakery and deli workers, who could not escape. She was apparently so desperate for attention that she had to torment those poor workers by making her child shriek at the top of its lungs. They don't get paid enough to deal with that shit.

I could still hear the screeching when I was checking out 15 minutes later. I don't when she stopped. I was just glad I could leave.

And guess what?

2011-07-20T01:18:00.000-05:00

I'm kicking myself right now, that's what. We now have Disqus commenting enabled here, so we can finally use replies. *facepalm* So, the WordPress blog won't be in use for now. I really like Blogger a lot more. And I am totally kicking myself for not thinking of Disqus before...

We're up over at WordPress now

2011-07-16T21:12:00.000-05:00

Yes, I finally got around to finishing with the move. Okay, actually, my queued posts are still over here, but everything already published is up there. And by there, I mean here. At the new site. So yeah, it's finally up and you can read my first new post there.

Is there anyone who would like for me to continue updating over here, or should I just stop the updates here and keep them on WordPress? I don't mind doing both, if there are people who don't like WordPress/can't use it because it doesn't load for them/whatever. Just let me know what you guys want.

Note

2011-07-07T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm in the process of moving this blog over to WordPress. Blogger is great and I've been resisting moving to another site, but I would like the ability to reply to comments - and for other people to reply to comments - and for the time being WordPress seems to be my best option. At the moment, I'm trying to get the blog set up to my liking over there and figure out how WordPress works.

I'll be posting a link to it once I've got everything set up. This blog will remain up, and I may keep updating here for a short time after the move.

Article: Anti-abortion letter leads to federal suit

2011-04-07T22:09:00.000-05:00

I logged out of my email just a few minutes ago and this headline caught my eye: Anti-abortion letter leads to federal suit

For those who don't want to click on the link, it's basically this: a Wichita physician is training to become an abortion provider and once that was made public, she received a threatening letter in the mail from a woman who had been corresponding with Scott Roeder, who was convicted of killing Dr. Tiller.

Part of the letter even made threats with bombs: "You will be checking under your car everyday — because maybe today is the day someone places an explosive under it."

Yeah. These people really are "pro-life", aren't they? More like "pro-fetus, screw-everyone-not-in-the-womb". If you don't like abortion, fine. Don't have one. If you want to protest it, fine. It pisses us off, when you're standing around trying to guilt women (even women just going into a Planned Parenthood for BC; the PP here doesn't do abortions), and trying to cram your beliefs down everyone's throats. It could easily constitute harassment most of the time, but fine.

But these nut-jobs - yes, I'm actually going to insult them, despite that I don't usually do that - these nut-jobs are making threats of violence against someone. What do they think that will achieve? Do they think violence will end abortion? Because it won't. Killing people isn't going to change anything. It never has. All they're doing is making the anti-choice movement look even worse than it already does.

I sincerely hope the doctor in question is able to continue with her goal and doesn't end up getting hurt or killed for doing something she believes in, providing a desperately needed service to this state (the only abortion provider I know of in all of Kansas is out around Overland Park/Kansas City).

Another Library Tale

2011-02-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

So, as you probably all know, I make fairly regular trips to the library. It's about the only relaxation I get at the moment - it's not home, it's not work, it's not school, and it's quiet. And there are lots and lots of books.

Being a library, it's expected that people would be quiet. I mean, people are taught that libraries are quiet places - it's taught in school for crying out loud!

So, why, why, why?!

I was at the library a couple of weeks ago. I was happily browsing the books - I had just found a book by a favorite author that I actually hadn't read yet - and was reading the cover of another to see if it sounded interesting, when I heard squealing. Σ(ﾟωﾟﾉ)ノ

This was not the squealing of a cute little pig or some other cute little animal. That would be forgivable, because animals don't generally understand human rules like being quiet in a library. This was the squealing of four ill-behaved children between the ages of 10 and probably about 4. They were running around, treating the library like a playground.

I looked over the shelf to see if their parent was in sight. |･ω･) With the exception of the library staff behind the counter, my own mother (and my cousin, who was in the children's section with her two quiet, well-behaved children) and an older man at a computer, there was only one other adult in sight: a woman a few rows over.

Seeing as the library isn't very big, I felt fairly certain that the children belonged to the woman. I waited for her to shush them. It's a library; common courtesy dictates being quiet. Woman did nothing - she didn't even glance in their direction. I considered that maybe I was wrong and the squealing children weren't hers.

Maybe, I thought, their handler had (irresponsibly) left them there to play while she/he ran errands. I've heard of parents doing that before, expecting the library staff - or store staff - to baby-sit for them for free. (Hell, I wouldn't even care, as long as the kids were being quiet. Libraries are nice places. I would spend all my time at the library if I could and would have happily done so as a child.)

Never minding the fact that the oldest of them was maybe 10 (and a 10 year old minding three other children isn't the best idea in most circumstances) and had probably been left to baby-sit his siblings, it didn't reflect too well on the parenting that the kids didn't know how to behave in a library.

(。-`ω´-) I wanted to tell the kids to stop acting like monkeys, but since I'm generally not good with kids and didn't want crying and/or screaming kids on my hands, I gritted my teeth and kept browsing the books.

Surely, the library staff would say something.

But no. They didn't and the kids were allowed to continue with their noisy game for the next half hour. I had the start of a headache from the noise and decided that I was going to check out the books I had found and just leave instead of browsing any more.

The woman from earlier was just finishing checking out and it turns out I had been right. The four ill-behaved children were hers. They followed her out the door, still squealing and running around.

What. The. Hell? (　ﾟдﾟ)

She just let her brats run around the library like they were at a fucking playground! Who the hell does that?! щ(ﾟﾛﾟщ)

I mean, what? Did she think she owned the library or something? That her kids could do whatever they wanted?

If my cousin's 1 1/2 year old and 5 year old can behave in a library without having to be told, then clearly that woman was doing something seriously wrong. My cousin's kids are not quiet children most of the time - especially the 5 year old. She is a very loud, very outgoing, very talkative child. But the moment she walks into the library, she is quiet, and she stays that way until she leaves.

I've seen more ill-behaved brats than usual lately, and it's really grating on my already frayed nerves. I would really like to know where parenting went and when it's coming back.

I'm still here

2011-02-23T11:09:00.001-06:00

Yes, I disappeared for a while after that last post. A part of me was a bit ashamed of having posted it - I felt like I was whining - and I was debating taking it down, but I kept telling myself it wasn't whining. (<-- See, see? Those are some of those self-esteem issues I mentioned. I like to try to hide from them, but they always find me. I never was very good at hide and seek, though...) It was something that needed to be said, no matter how unpleasant it was for me to write, or think about.

I got over having posted it pretty quickly, as far as having felt like I was whining. I was very emotionally drained after writing that, though, and it hasn't been helped by all the other crap going on in my life right now. Right after that was posted, crap started happening and it's been one thing after another (including a pet needing surgery and the vet - one who doesn't usually see my pets - drugging her up far too much so "she doesn't chew the stitches"; she had a very, very bad night and I was up all night with her to make sure she didn't stop breathing, because several times it seemed like she had). I do apologize for the break in posting. For the most part, I'm feeling better now. Life still hasn't quieted down enough for my taste, but it's getting there.

I'm working on a long, long pro-choice post at the moment, but it may take a while for me to finish. I'm having to do a lot of research for it, and of course it takes a back seat to my classwork (which includes several essays/research papers due each week; I can't believe the amount of time they take, though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised). I do have some other posts in the queue and I'll get one of those posted soon. I'm going to try to find something humorous, to make up for how emotional that last post was. I'm sure that wasn't much more fun for you guys than it was for me.

I did want to let everyone know that I haven't gone off and died or something. Actually, the only reason I'm even writing this - or rather, have the motivation to write it - is because I'm procrastinating an essay for my Psychology class that I really don't want to write, even though it's due tomorrow. XD I seem to do much better with being motivated when I'm procrastinating something else, providing that something else doesn't absolutely have to be done right away.

Let me tell you a story...

2011-02-03T18:46:00.001-06:00

Ya know what? I lied in some of my posts. I talked about how my childhood wasn't terrible, my family wasn't dysfunctional. I guess it wasn't so much lying, as I was just in denial about it. Who could blame me? I wanted to believe that my childhood had been decent at home - and it wasn't awful, but it definitely was a far cry from ideal.

I'm going to tell the truth - and it isn't dramatized in any way. It's how it was. And I know it might not make people think twice about having kids they don't really want - or pressuring someone else into doing so - but I'm putting it out there, because it needs to be done. This isn't coming from a parent who didn't want kids (and then "changed their minds"). This is coming from someone who is that kid who wasn't wanted.

My mom admitted to me herself that she never wanted kids. I figured, "well, she had me..."

She did. But she shouldn't have. I think she was conned into the whole "life-script, everyone does it" idea. I think she tried to love me. She took care of me, I'll give her that. I was fed and clothed. And maybe she did love me - at first.

But I was a mistake. She says I was a 'surprise', but I know if she ever truly held that opinion, she doesn't anymore. I was a mistake. I was a mistake the moment she realized that I wasn't going to be a perfect, straight-A student, the moment she realized that I'm not a neat-freak like her, the moment she realized that I wasn't going to be perfectly obedient and listen to everything she said, and do everything she wanted me to do...

When I was in school growing up, I was ahead of my peers in my reading, writing, and spelling abilities. I was behind in everything else, including social skills. I didn't like the math or the social studies work, I didn't like the science work - unless we were doing hands-on projects, which we almost never did. I hated P.E. We got a lot of busy work and I got bored doing the same thing over and over again, so I stopped doing it. Of course, my grades dropped. Teachers called my mother with complaints about my social skills (or rather, that I was sleeping in class, which I wasn't; I was often trying not to cry, because I was tired of being teased and subsequently told by the adults to just ignore it and it would stop - it didn't. It never did. It only got worse).

My mom, of course, was disappointed in me. She got mad at me about my grades - a lot. She yelled at and berated me. She never tried to help me, and I didn't think she could anyway, so I never asked. She couldn't help me with the bullying - she just kept telling me the same thing, time after time; how could she help me with my schoolwork if she didn't know what to do about bullies? I just started thinking of myself as a failure. Surely, that's all I was. I had a hard time with basic math, my classmates teased me mercilessly, adults would never help me when I needed it...what else could I be, but a failure?

My mom is a neat-freak. The slightest bit of clutter drives her up the wall. My entire life, unless everything has been put away out of site, perfectly neat, my room is "a pig-sty". I have a few knick-knacks (ones I've managed to save from her; she was in the habit when I was young of throwing my things away when I wasn't home. I lost several very important items because she decided that I had too much stuff and it was in her right to choose to throw most of it away - including a gift from a friend who had passed away; she knew what that particular item was and how much it meant to me, but she still threw it away). I keep them displayed because I like to look at them. I have books on my desk, because I have no more shelf space for them and need them for class anyway - or they're library books. I leave my art supplies out in my work area when I'm working on a project so that I don't have to dig them out every time I have a few minutes to devote to said project - because it would take that few free minutes just to get everything out and put it away again.

I will admit it - my room looks a little cluttered sometimes. But it isn't a "pig-sty" as she's called it. Every time she cleaned my room when I was younger, it took me weeks to find things, even if she thought it was perfectly organized. If I would start to leave things where I could actually find them - like library or text books on my desk - she threw a fit. If she had her way, everything would be put behind cupboard doors, out of sight. She spent a lot of time when I was younger yelling at me about how I needed to clean my room or we might end up with roaches (that would require me to leave food in my room, which I don't do). She called me a slob - as messy as I was, I couldn't possibly be her child.

She was never all that happy with me in general, either. I was never intentionally rude to people in public, but I didn't deal with them a lot when I was young. I never had a chance to really develop social skills. Mom hardly took me anywhere, I started school late, and I was just plain scared of people (especially the people at church; I vividly remember being terrified of the old ladies there, with all their "Jesus loves you, honey!" and "My aren't you just the cutest! God bless your little heart!" and trying to touch me, which I did not like at all; I hated physical contact as a child).

My social skills were awkward, but instead of correcting me, my mom would leave it until later, and then she would get mad at me. She would rant about how rude I had been and how I should never, EVER talk to someone like that again, or act like that again, or whatever I had done wrong.

That didn't help my already low self-esteem. I had failed at being social, too. The way she acted, you would have thought I had just committed some horrible crime that the entire world would hate me for. The way she acted, I started to think that I had done something horrible and unforgivable. I got more scared of interacting with people, because I was afraid that I would say or do something and then they would hate me, and if they hated me, then everyone would. It might not have been the most rational thought, but I didn't want anyone to hate me and the way my mom acted, I thought I had to make everyone happy and avoid offending anyone.

I know I can't please everyone. I know I'm liable to offend someone just for even existing, let alone for having opinions. But I still can't handle social situations very well. I'm still scared. I still can't function as well as I should be able to in public. And that just makes me feel worse about myself. I should be able to handle social situations. But I can't.

I have self-esteem issues. They were crippling when I was younger. They still are sometimes, despite my attempts to push past them. My social awkwardness is still crippling. It takes more energy - and courage - than I have some days to go out there and try to function.

To all those people who think that someone should have a kid they don't want: you need to stop and fucking think for a minute what you're suggesting. You see everything I just wrote? That doesn't even begin to describe how I felt growing up. I can't even begin to describe how badly my self-esteem and social issues affect me, even now when I'm actively trying to overcome them. And you know what? I didn't have it nearly as bad as some of those other unwanted children out there. I was never physically abused, never neglected, my life was never threatened. I've got some mental and emotional crap to deal with, but I'm still alive, and I think with enough time and effort I'll be okay one day. I got lucky. A lot of those kids don't.

I got lucky because my best friend's mom - a wonderful woman, who did want kids, who's just a natural at mothering and loving people - took me in as another daughter. She even told me that if I was comfortable with it, I could call her Mama, but I didn't have to if I didn't want to. If I ever needed someone to talk to, somewhere to go, I knew I could go there and would be welcomed with open arms.

Despite all my issues, Mama still showed me more love than my own mother ever did. It might not have happened until later in life, when my self-esteem and social issues had already settled in for a long stay, but I got some of the guidance I needed so badly. My second family is the only reason I could bring myself to try to overcome my issues, to try to do better in life. Honestly, I don't think I could ever repay Mama for everything she was just willing to do for me.

It's no joke if someone doesn't want kids. It doesn't matter how much other people think they need to have them "because it's different when it's your own!" or "you'll regret it later if you don't!" The fact of the matter is that if they don't want kids but have them anyway, it's a gamble - with the lives, and physical and emotional well-being of those kids. And who is that fair to, if it ends up being a poor gamble?

Bingoes part 3

2011-01-31T09:20:00.001-06:00

Hm, I haven't done one of these in a while (haven't really had to; there's been plenty of blog fodder elsewhere, and there will likely as not continue to be).

You must be a very sad person.

No, actually, I'm quite happy. Ya know, because I'm not doing something I don't want to do just because other people expect it of me.

It's a funny thing, this "happiness". It's pretty damned near impossible to find it when you're doing something you don't like, even someone else has found it with that particular activity. Like parenting! Some people find joy in it. Other people would probably rather be eaten alive by a pack of rabid koalas.

What makes one person happy is not going to necessarily make another person happy.

Being childfree is against God/nature.

Assuming the person involved believes in God...if God really wants someone to have a kid, I don't think measly humans are going to be able to stop him. Cuz, well...he's God.

And in regards to it being against nature...IVF isn't natural. Processed foods aren't natural. A lot of medicines we use aren't natural. And did anyone ever stop to think that - just like people who can't get pregnant - maybe Nature is trying to tell some of us something? That maybe, just maybe, the Earth is getting a little on the too populated side and we need to STOP HAVING KIDS so the population doesn't grow any more out of control? That's what it looks like to me.

I know, it sucks if someone wants kids and can't have them - but there's adoption (plenty of kids - not just babies, but KIDS - need homes), there's work a person can do in the community that involves kids...your genes aren't that special. Help some poor kids who are already here if you love kids that much.

Don't you want to give your parents grandkids?

My dad and his wife (my step-mom *shudder*) want grandkids. The woman is rabid for them, absolutely rabid! But I don't care what they think. I don't even like them that much, and they wouldn't be the ones who had to go through nine months of hell being pregnant followed by a lifetime of hell being a parent, so it doesn't matter if they want grandkids or not. Besides, they have my poor brother, who has been brain-washed into thinking he has to give them tons of grandbabies.

My mom, on the other hand, does not want grandkids. Ever. She has, in fact, stated that if I were to lose my mind and have kids, she's moving as far away as she can and not leaving me a forwarding address. So, I think I'm good.

Quick note

2011-01-25T10:31:00.000-06:00

Regarding my last post, you may have noticed that I locked comments - and deleted the ones that were there. I did that for a reason (and it took me a few days because I had work, classes, and homework to deal with). I was not going to further engage some moronic anti-choicers who have nothing better to do with their time than troll pro-choice blogs.

My blog is not a discussion forum. My views are not up for debate. If you want to debate my life-style choices, you can go somewhere else. If you don't like the way I talk (like the fact that I do, indeed, cuss) then you can go somewhere else. I'm not here to please you. If you don't like my viewpoint, you can go somewhere else. No one is holding a gun to your head and making you read this blog.

I don't go to anti-choice or mommy blogs and rag on them about their choices, so why the hell do they do it to us?

For those of you who do that (come onto pro-choice blogs and rag us, I mean), why? Do you think if you say crap like "abortion is murder!!!11eleventy1! u're killin babbys!" or try to change my views, I'm suddenly going to say, "OMG u're so right!!! I'm wrong! I'm a horuble eval babby hatting murderer! I'm going to have lots and lots of babbys now and nevar evar agree with abortion again and tell all those stupid pro-abortion ppl there wrong 2!!"

I've got news for you. That's not going to happen.

Up to now, I didn't really care if anti-choicers commented, but I think I'm probably a little too laid back about that. I don't care if someone disagrees with me. That's their prerogative. But if I'm not going onto their blogs flaming them/ragging on them/trying to argue with them, then I expect the same in return.

And ya know what? I don't go onto their blogs and do any of the above.

Ya know why? Because I don't agree with them. I don't agree with what they have to say. I think they're wrong. But I'm not going to go onto their blogs and tell them that, because as much as I might disagree with them (and wish they would shut the hell up), they're entitled to their own space to post their views. If I don't like something, I stay away from it. I don't like their views, so I don't go to anti-choice or mommy blogs.

I'm going to leave anonymous commenting on for the time being. But if it comes to it, I will start screening comments before they're posted, and I may turn off anonymous commenting. It's bad enough that I'll get some anti-choicer on here arguing with my beliefs, but it's even worse when they're too freaking chicken to back their words up and have to leave a comment anonymously.

(And before any of you anti-choicers think I'm doing this because 'OMG I think u're rite' and just won't admit it, forget it. I still think you're wrong. I just don't have the time or the desire to argue with you, and I'm not going to. You aren't going to change my mind - because frankly I think the lot of you are as bat-shit crazy as they come - and I'm not going to change yours. I know that. I've argued with anti-choicers before, and all it does is kill whatever bit of hope I have left for humanity.)

In closing: If you don't like what I have to say, then STAY THE HELL OFF MY BLOG!

Blog for Choice Day

2011-01-21T02:00:00.003-06:00

I've decided to participate in the Blog for Choice day, because hey, choice is important for the childfree. This year's topic: "Given the anti-choice gains in the states and Congress, are you concerned about choice in 2011?"

Honestly, I'm terrified. Who wouldn't be, if they care about choice?

I don't follow politics much - I've never cared for them, truthfully - but I've been following a lot more as of late. There have been a lot of attacks on reproductive rights, it's only getting worse, and I can only see it continuing to get worse. How could it not? This country's economy is shot, people are losing jobs left and right (those who still have them, that is), and a lot of focus has been on basically overturning Roe v. Wade, taking away our freedom to choose, instead of trying to get this country back on its feet.

Some pharmacists are already refusing to fill birth control prescriptions on basis of their beliefs (which is a load of bullshit as far as I'm concerned; they chose to go into that profession and if they don't like it, they can leave. They knew what it would entail. People wouldn't be coddling a vegetarian who chose to work in a barbecue restaurant and then refused to cook meat, so why the hell should pharmacists get away with it? Huh? Answer me that!). And now we have more people trying to tell us what we can and can't do with or bodies - things that have been legal for years!

All those horror stories about back-alley abortions will end up coming true if we lose our right to contraception and safe, legal abortions.

But those anti-choice nuts don't care about that, do they? No, they think "the sluts" deserve it, for killing the pweshus babbys. We should keep our legs shut, shouldn't we, if we don't want to get pregnant. Never mind if the pregnancy might kill us - we should be glad to die for babby! We're women, that's all we're good for, right? Babbys matter more than we do because they're pweshus wonderful myracles from HEAVEN, doncha know?
Never mind if the family can't afford another mouth to feed. Should've thought of that before, huh? Besides, GOD will provide, right? Right?!
Never mind the health problems that might be passed on. Never mind that there are more children out there without parents than are being adopted - what's one more? Right? You can never have too many children, even though there are thousands of children out there without enough to eat, who are abused, neglected, killed.
Never mind how high crime rates were before Roe v. Wade. Those are just minor details, right? Crime won't get worse again!

America is already in bad shape, and it's only going to get worse before it gets better - if it ever does. If we lose reproductive choice, America will collapse, I'm certain of that. There are so many, many factors that hinge on reproductive choice, and I'm scared that we will lose that choice. I hope, hope, hope we don't, but only time will tell.

A correlation? I think so.

2011-01-20T23:25:00.000-06:00

I got to thinking earlier...when I was in school, there seemed to be a correlation between the amount of sex education given in schools and the number of teens who ended up pregnant.

Mind you, this is just based on the two high schools I went to, but my case is this:

In Michigan, where I went to school, we had sex ed from 6th grade through 8th grade (because that was middle school/junior high in my district). We also had a health class with a sex ed unit that we had to take in order to graduate from high school. Sex ed for us consisted of explanations of our reproductive organs, what could happen if we had unprotected sex (pregnancy, infections), and they also taught us about safe sex. They encouraged us to wait until we were adults, until we were ready, told the girls not to give in to pressure from boyfriends. But they also stressed the importance of safe sex, if we chose not to wait.

Aside from the girl in middle school I mentioned several posts back (the one who got pregnant in 7th grade) - and the type of girl she was, no amount of sex ed would have helped her - there was 1 girl the entire time I was in middle and high school who got pregnant. 1. Out of around 1500 students. There were one or two at the other high school in the district, and the same at the alternative. So out of more than 3000 students, there were fewer than 10 pregnancies in the four years I was in high school.

I spent a semester with my dad in another state. The district had about the same number of students as my previous district. I went to an alternative high school with fewer than 200 students. Sex ed was non-existent around there (religious area; very, very religious). All they did was tell us, "sex should wait. don't have sex. you shouldn't have sex. sex is bad unless you're married and making babies. don't do it." We had to go up to the other alternative high school for lunch, because we had no cafeteria.

The other high school had about the same number of students as mine (I'd say right around 150 students). Every one of them was pregnant or a mother. It was a high school specifically for pregnant teens/teen moms. 150 students - at least - in one district, the one semester I was there, were mothers.

My district in Michigan did not have a school like that. We didn't need one.

Why? Because they actually taught us about sex. They didn't just tell us not to do it. And they knew there would be students who would anyway, and they made sure that we were taught how to do so safely. They didn't stick their heads in the sand and act like it wouldn't exist if they just ignored it long enough. As a result, there were very few incidences.

And it seems to me that the places that see the most need for schools like that are the ones where they don't teach the students about sex. They just tell them "no, it's bad, don't do it."

Yeah, that'll get through to them. After they've ruined their lives.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised

2011-01-17T20:03:00.000-06:00

It was only a matter of time before the parents came out of the wood-work in my classes. I'm taking a couple of online courses - they're a lot easier to fit into my schedule than the regular classes, I've noticed - and in the introduction posts, there are a lot of parents. Not surprising, since the world is so parent-centric, especially around here.

And of course there's the requisite "my child is my whole world", "everything I do I do for my child", "my child is the most important thing in my life", etc. Not only are they going on about how important their kids are, but these are apparently interesting facts.

Uh, no. Your child being the most important thing in your life is not interesting, and I feel bad for them if that's all their existence is. I don't mean to sound condescending - I really don't; I hate it when people do that to me, so I try not to do it, myself - but I do find it a bit sad that they think having a kid is that interesting. It makes them sound otherwise hollow when they talk like that. I mean, there are other things to be interested in, like sports or reading or movies.

I'm supposed to respond to someone, but so far there's nothing to respond to. Everyone's posts have been along the lines of I work/I'm a SAHM, and lookit me i have a kid whos my whole world and i do everything for him/her. I really hope someone else pipes up with something that's actually interesting, so I can respond. Otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm required to respond to someone and I don't want to be docked points because all anyone can talk about is their kids.

Textbook win

2011-01-16T20:22:00.001-06:00

Hey, hey, guess what you guys get? Go on, guess.

If you guessed another blog post, you're right! Here are some internet cookies! If you didn't guess that...here are some internet cookies anyway.

I wouldn't count on so many of these after this coming week, because my classes start Tuesday, and I don't know how much time I'm going to have between school and work (if all of my classes have the same amount of work as the one I've seen the syllabus for, then I'm going to be hard-pressed to keep up with it all.)

But that isn't why I'm posting today. I'm posting because of the criminal justice textbook I got Friday. I was flipping through it and the word 'abortion' caught my eye. I was like, "What does abortion have to do with crime rates?"

I thought they were going to try to paint abortion in a bad light - everyone around here seems to, so I wouldn't have expected any different from my textbook - but that wasn't the case at all. Instead, they've given me more ammo to argue with anti-abortion activists.

According to the textbook (Essentials of Criminal Justice, by Larry J. Siegel) a drop in crime rate could be attributed to legalized abortions, and the link is this: abortions were available to everyone, including women most at risk to have children engage in criminal activity (low income, for example), and environmental circumstances were improved because women were having fewer children (so the family was better able to care for the children it did have, instead of ending up with more children than they could possibly afford or look out for).

I had never thought of it from the point of view of reduced crime rates, but it makes sense. After all, poverty, neglect, and abuse seem to be pretty big factors in someone committing crimes. Without the availability of safe, legal abortion, more babies would be born into poverty or abuse, likely leading them to commit crimes later in life.

If/when we discuss it in class, I'm curious to see how my classmates are going to respond to that, because I know one of my classmate's life revolves around her children and grandchildren. I see her having an issue with it (even if it is just statistics), and I wouldn't be surprised if others had an issue, too. I'll post an update if/when it comes up in class discussion.

Maybe that's why...

2011-01-12T16:23:00.000-06:00

Community college is already providing me with blog fodder, and classes haven't even started yet.

I had to attend an orientation last night. I was tired, still recovering from being sick (you can check my other blog for the post I made about it), and didn't particularly want to be there, so I was zoned out for the first few minutes. Not that it mattered, because the first few minutes was apparently just talk about how important it is to give yourself "positive reinforcement" - so they called it - by saying that something you want to happen is true (for example: "I'm good at math!" when you aren't, because you want to be; and apparently saying things like that will eventually make them happen.)

I think they're crazy. Really crazy. Obviously it won't help you to be negative about it, but telling yourself that something is true when it isn't, is not going to help anyone, or make it happen. It's going to make you delusional.

I only caught part of what was being said. But, it got me thinking...Maybe those parents who keep saying how wonderful parenthood is, how they couldn't imagine living without little Mydyslynleigh and Aieyaieydn, and how fulfilled they are now that they're a MOMMY (we all know the type, I think, the ones who have to blab all over the place about it and how special and wonderful their little ~~Czneauphlaeykes~~ Snowflakes are) - maybe they're just trying to use that "positive reinforcement" crap. They hope that if they repeat it enough, eventually it will be true, and then it will be worth it.

Aside from that, I found myself wanting to be there even less when one of the staff started talking about how wonderful it was that we were there. Which wouldn't have bothered me, except that they seemed to think the only reason anyone would be in school would be "for their kids, to set a good example and provide them with a better life". That's pretty much the only reason they gave. I don't know if they did that for the morning group, or if they just thought that the only people who would be able to make the night orientation were people with kids (uh, hello...some of us have to WORK during the day and can't take time off).

And they didn't mention "for the kids" just once. No, they kept harping on that reason, and harping on it, and I'm pretty sure they went on for about 15 minutes just about why it was good "for the kids" to see their parents "succeeding" and it would "make them want to succeed also" and their kids "would be proud of mom and dad".

I ended up just tuning them out for the rest of the orientation. I had to save my sanity somehow.

Screaming banshees

2011-01-08T22:02:00.005-06:00

Yes, another post. Amazing, isn't it? And I still have some posts in the queue, waiting for me to work on them. And since I start classes at community college in the next couple of weeks, I may have more posts (I'm fully expecting to end up with stories thanks to classmates. I know there will be parents, and if the rest of the population around here is anything to go by, there should be some blog fodder around there.) Now, on to today's topic.

I still can't figure out why some parents just let their kids scream their heads off in public, and do nothing about it.

We have winter storms forecast for our area, so despite the fact that I wasn't planning on going, I ran to the store this morning to pick up a few things just in case. Drivers around here scare me on good days - after the first snow of the winter, I don't want to be anywhere near the roads. Actually, I don't want to be anywhere near the roads after any snow around here.

I was looking at the juice, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I heard a scream that sounded as though someone was being mauled by a rabid bear. Σ(ﾟωﾟﾉ)ノ It scared the crap out of me, because of course I wasn't expecting there to be any rabid bears running around the grocery store mauling people. Bears should be hibernating right now!

I looked in the direction of the screaming. No, no one was being mauled by a rabid bear. No one was being mauled by anything. It was a small child - maybe 4 or 5 years old - standing next to its handler, screaming at the top of its lungs for no discernible reason. It didn't appear to be in pain - it was walking just fine - and unless it really wanted butter or cheese, I couldn't see anything in the vicinity that the kid could possibly have been throwing a fit about not getting.

As unpleasant as the sound was, I figured, "All right, surely the kid won't scream for long. I'll just carry on. Nothing I can do about it."

So, I got my juice and continued on with my shopping. And the screaming continued. Finally, there was a break in the screaming. I thought, "Great. The kid got over whatever was wrong."

But no such luck. The screaming started up again, possibly louder than before, because 4 aisles away I could hear him pretty clearly (I guesstimate how far away I was; they had come out the end of an aisle 3 or 4 aisles back at the same time I had just a couple of minutes previous and I was moving faster than them). And the screaming continued the rest of the time I was there, with only brief breaks - which were probably just the kid catching its breath.

The kid was as almost as loud as a freaking air raid siren and its parents did nothing! And I know they knew he was screaming - I saw the mother try to shush him during the initial scream. When that didn't work, she just stopped trying.

I know parenting is tiring - that's why I don't want to do it! - but that's no excuse. If your kid is screaming like that, remove him from the situation. That's what my mom did. If one of us threw a tantrum in the store, she gave us one warning: stop or we were leaving. And if we didn't stop, we left. My friends' parents did this, too. They did not take that crap and they did not subject everyone else to it. Even my cousin doesn't put up with it!

There was another parent, so one of them could have taken the human air raid siren outside while the other finished shopping. They did not have to subject everyone else to that screaming. But they did. Of course they did, or I wouldn't have brought this up.

I just really don't understand how some parents are so freaking inconsiderate nowadays. I mean, seriously, most of the rude, inconsiderate people I see in public are parents and their kids. I'm really starting to think that they lose brain cells when they reproduce. There's just no other explanation.

Bingoes, Part 2

2011-01-02T21:10:00.000-06:00

And here is part two.

But the bible said to be fruitful and multiply!

Okay, first off, this bible of yours was written how long ago? I don't think the whole multiplying thing still applies. There are plenty of people on this planet right now.
And second, not all of us believe that stuff. Go preach to someone else.

What if your parents hadn't had kids?!

Then I wouldn't be here having to deal with idiots who can't accept different opinions. Seriously, what is the point in asking this? Sure, I kinda like being alive, but I wouldn't exactly know any different if I hadn't been born, so what's it matter?

You aren't a real adult until you have kids!

Getting knocked up and popping out a child does not make someone an adult. Otherwise, all those little 13 and 14 year-olds who get themselves knocked up could be considered adults. And we all know they aren't. And what about people who can't have kids? Are they not adults then?
Being an adult generally means being able to take responsibility for your own life, make decisions, supporting yourself, etc. Having a child could fall under some of those categories - assuming the child is properly raised and cared for - but it is not exclusive to becoming an adult.

A bit redundant, but probably necessarily so

2010-12-29T20:22:00.004-06:00

I'm writing this post as a sort of follow up to a post I made earlier today (the one I had meant to have posted sooner), mostly because of what's going on over at Mandy's blog (Childfreedom) with the thread on the mommy forum attacking her list.

I read the posts the mommies made on the thread and on Mandy's blog. I'm astounded by the way they're acting. For one thing, I thought parenthood was supposed to make a person more mature - that's what all those mommies claim, anyway - but the only mature comment I saw out of the lot was a woman on the first page of the thread. Everyone else seemed to be taking the list personally, as though it was written as some attack on them, their choice, and their children. And the condescending tones of some of the posts honestly pissed me off (I hate it when people talk to or about anyone like that, for any reason).

Why? Do they think the whole world revolves around them, so any disagreement with their choices is an attack on them? It had nothing to do with them. It was a list that was written as reasons that the author felt were good reasons to remain childfree. She was not saying those applied to everyone. Those were her reasons.

Those mommies claim that they're happy being parents and feel that their kids are worth the sacrifices. Good for them if that's how they feel. But if that's the case, then why attack someone who disagrees, who wants something else for their life, a life that has nothing to do with theirs?

If it's all so worth it to them, why do they care what complete strangers think? They aren't constantly ridiculed, looked down on, and sometimes even verbally attacked for their choice. Being a parent is socially acceptable - it's praised! They don't have to justify their choice to other people. No one questions the little girls who say, "I want to be a mommy when I grow up!" Your Average Joe won't tell them, "Well, why on earth would would you do that? What kind of weird person are you?!"

Being childfree is generally viewed as strange, unacceptable, and undesirable by society. We have to justify our choice. When we say we don't want kids, now or ever, we're bombarded with questions and declarations, told we don't know what we're missing out on, that we'll change our minds, that we'll regret it if we never have kids.

When a kid says, "I'm never had kids of my own!" they're told they'll change their mind one day and are patted on the head.

They say they pity us, that we must be bitter, that we must really want children but can't have them so we're trying to make ourselves feel better about it. No. That's not how it is. Just because your kids make you happy, doesn't mean kids would make someone else happy.

I'm sure sometimes we might sound bitter. But wouldn't they, too, if they had something almost constantly shoved down their throats? I think if it weren't for that - and the parents with the attitude that they're somehow above us because they reproduced - we'd be pretty damned content most of the time! We're always asked "when" we're going to start a family, not "if" - as if a married couple isn't a family already! - and asked why we don't have babies yet, told we should have them, told they're wonderful, and on and on.

They call us selfish for not having children. So what? I've said it before, and I'll say it again: parents can be selfish, too. A lot of reasons they give for having kids are just as selfish as the reasons we give for not having them. Some parents are more selfish, I think, because there are people who don't care what kind of life the child might have - they don't care if they can't financially support the child, they don't care if the child might be born with some horrible birth defect that would make their life miserable, they don't care if the other parent doesn't want the child or would be/is abusive, none of that matters; they only care about having a child because they want one and it has to be their child. We might have some selfish reasons for remaining childfree, but at least we're willing to admit it.

They say that if we're so selfish, then we shouldn't have kids anyway. We don't want them, so why would they bother saying that? (And what kind of example are they setting for their own children, treating people the way they are?) Do they expect us to be hurt by those kinds of comments? We aren't. We don't want kids, so it doesn't matter.

They say if we don't want children so much, than we should just go get sterilized. We'd love to - we really would. But it's not that freaking easy, unfortunately. Most of those who have been fortunate enough to have it done struggled and fought the entire way. The rest of us are still fighting for it.

They say we're missing out. Perhaps it would be something to miss for them because they wanted it, but we don't, so we aren't missing out. They can repeat all they want that they think we're missing out on something, but that doesn't make it true for us. It never will - someone who doesn't enjoy horseback riding isn't going to feel like they're missing out on anything, even if the next person loves it and couldn't live without it!

They say they don't feel encumbered by their children, that they're still able to live. But that doesn't mean that other people would feel that way, or would be able to. You don't see cat or dog owners telling non-pet owners, "Well you're wrong! They aren't a burden to me, so you should go get pets of your own!"

Everyone's life is different. But they're sitting there trying to tell us that we're wrong for having a different viewpoint, for knowing that we don't all have to want the same things out of life. A person doesn't have to do something to know they don't want to do it. A person doesn't have to have something to know they don't want it. And yet they sit there and attack us, and put us down, for not wanting the same thing they do.

We don't go on their blogs, their communities, their forums, and attack them for their choices. But they do it to us, and fairly often. We disagree with them, but we don't shove their faces in it. We don't go onto their blogs and call them selfish, pathetic, or tell them they're wrong to make the choices they do. We don't go looking for things they write to bitch about and then attack them for it.

And before anyone tries to point out the lists and article I've commented on (and I'm sure someone is likely to, if any mommies get a hold of this): those things were either posted to CF communities or they were emailed to me. I did not go looking for them just to bitch about them on my blog. I did not go to the original blogs - I have no idea where the lists even originally came from - and personally attack those people for their opinions, like some of the mommies from that thread did to Mandy.

Yes, I think the people who wrote those lists and that article are probably nuts - and I was being a smart-ass about it - but nowhere have I ever personally attacked them for their choice. Because it's just that: their choice, and while I might not agree with it - and I have every right not to, and every right to voice that opinion - I'm not going to go call them crazy or pathetic or anything like that.

Do I think they might be? Sure. Has it sounded like I'm actually calling them these things on my blog? Probably, though it was never directed at the actual writers; it was the reasoning I was mostly directing insults at. Am I going to go on their own blogs and tell them they're crazy, pathetic, and must not have any self-worth? Hell no. Am I going to go on their blogs and tell them I pity them for a choice they made that apparently makes them happy? Hell no, again. Am I going to continue making snarky, smart-ass comments when I get emailed something like those lists? Hell yeah.

It's one thing to hold a different opinion from someone - it's another to make personal attacks on someone for their views, especially on their own blog. You're supposed to be adults - act like it. And I ask again: why the hell does it matter so much, when it has nothing to do with them?

Bingoes: Part 1

2010-12-29T09:37:00.012-06:00

I'm going to periodically take three common bingoes we childfree get, and respond to/mock/dissect them. Because a) I can, and b) it's easy blog fodder, which is kind of useful since I'm not out and about as much as I used to be and I would like to try to post a little more regularly in the coming year than I have been.

To start with:

Children are a woman's greatest achievement!

Oh, are they now? Whoever uses this one is probably of the 'women belong in the kitchen/are only for popping out babies' variety. So if a woman managed to, say, I dunno...cure cancer, it wouldn't be her greatest achievement? Her greatest achievement would still be getting knocked up and popping out a baby? Something that an animal or a teenage girl could manage? How is a common biological process an achievement, anyway?

If everyone didn't have kids, the human race would die out!

That's never going to happen. There are too many people in this world, and the childfree make up a very, very, very tiny percentage of those people. Even throwing in the people who can't have kids, there are still plenty of people to keep repopulating the planet, and a lot of people who have no problem with popping out 4, 5, or 20 kids.

It's not too likely that 6 billion+ people are suddenly going to decide to stop having babies. We aren't in any danger of extinction.

And why would you care if the human race dies out, anyway? It wouldn't happen overnight, and couldn't even happen in your lifetime.

Your child could grow up to cure cancer/AIDS!

Yes, and it could also grow up to be a drug dealer or a serial killer. In fact, considering that no one has cured cancer or AIDS yet, the chances are a lot higher that any hypothetical child of mine would turn out to be a criminal or a bum, rather than the person to cure cancer or AIDS. I suck at math and I can figure that out, so clearly it doesn't take a rocket scientist.

The lack of logic of some people in regards to having children astounds me. Well, you can expect more of these in the future. I have several more in the queue and there will probably be some other posts between some of them.

Why does it matter?

2010-12-29T08:58:00.004-06:00

Yes, this post is a few days later than I intended, but it's up now. And I have another one in the works, which, with any luck, will also be posted soon.

I've been thinking about something lately that puzzles me - thanks to having to do some major cleaning after the holidays, which is a mindless task that leaves me too much time to think. Why is it that so many people, whether they're already parents or planning to be parents, get offended by people not wanting children? They act like it affects them, like it's any of their business, if someone else reproduces or not.

Are they upset because they hadn't realized it was a choice and are now stuck with children they don't really want? Are they so miserable as parents that they have to put us down to make themselves feel better? Are they so insecure that someone having a different opinion offends them, because they think they're being judged for their choices?

I just don't get it. They hear someone doesn't want children and suddenly they're off:

"My children are the best thing to ever happen to me! How could you not want them?!"
"I thought the same way as you once, but then I had kids and they're the best thing to ever happen to me!"
"That's so sad! I love being a mommy/daddy!"

And then some of them try to put us down when we don't budged on our stance:

"Well, if that's how you feel, then you shouldn't have kids!"
"People like you shouldn't have kids anyway! You're so selfish!"

Uh, yeah, no kidding we shouldn't have kids. We keep saying we don't want them! So glad you agree, even if you're only saying that in an attempt to make us feel bad. What, did they think it would really upset any of us if we were told we shouldn't have kids that we don't want in the first place?

"Oh! You horrible, horrible, person! You said I...I shouldn't have kids! How could you?! I'll never be able to sleep at night now. You've ruined my life!"

Yeah, sure. If it will make you feel better, you go right on thinking that. Just know it isn't true. We really don't care - we don't want kids anyway, so why should it bother us?

Really, why do they act like it affects them, or like we're trying to tell them they shouldn't have had kids, or that no one should have kids, or that we want babies everywhere to drop dead, etc.? They made their choice - whether it was mindless or not - and we're making ours.

We aren't trying to tell them they can't or shouldn't have kids (though there are, admittedly, some people who have kids who really shouldn't, but we aren't going to go after them and forcefully sterilize them and slaughter their kids; we'll just vent about it in our safe-places and wonder what the world is coming to). Most of us aren't trying to say that no one should have kids - those who say that are probably part of the VHEMT; not all of us who are CF are. We aren't saying that we wish all babies/children everywhere would die; some CFers like kids, some don't. But not liking them doesn't mean we want them dead.

I see so many parents get up in arms over the CF viewpoint, and for what? Because we have a different opinion? Because not agreeing that their life choice is a good choice for us makes us horrible, rotten, evil, baby-hating, baby-killing, parent-hating, baby-eating, fire-breathing boogie-men?

Our choice doesn't even affect them. They can still have their hordes of kids, whether we have kids or not. So why does it matter to them if someone else doesn't want kids? Why does it make them sad? Just because something makes them happy, doesn't mean it would make someone else happy; just because their kids make them happy (or they've managed to convince themselves of that, whichever the case may be), doesn't mean that kids would make me happy, or anyone else. They aren't me, and I'm not them.

The next time some parent says something to me like that, I'm going to ask them, "Why? Why does it matter to you whether I have kids or not? My reproductive choices have nothing to do with you, or anyone else."

I doubt I'll be any closer to finding out why other people make such a big deal out of it, but with any luck it will shut them up.

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-22T23:50:00.001-06:00

Just to let everyone know, I have a post in the works right now; I will hopefully have it up by Friday. But, that's all going to depend on my work load (which at this particular moment is pretty big, because after being lazy for the last few days and hardly sending any work, the therapists decided it would be nice to play catch-up and slam me RIGHT BEFORE the holidays *grrr*). So, there will be another post soon - I just don't know how soon. I'd finish it right now, but it's nearly midnight and I have to be up early for work.

If I don't make the next post on or before Christmas: HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! *throws confetti*

100 Reasons to have kids - with snarky commentary by yours truly (Part 2)

2010-12-21T11:13:00.039-06:00

And here is part two of the list.

50. The first cry in the delivery room. You feel like your heart will explode with excitement and love.
- You feel like your heart is going to explode? You might want to have that looked at.

51. Watching in amazement as your child learns to read.
- I think we're back to the whole "go volunteer" thing.

52. Easily explaining those stubborn, extra 20 pounds as pregnancy weight you just haven’t shed yet (both dads and moms can use this excuse).
- And more of the using child-related things as an excuse for your own short-comings. If the extra weight bothers you that much, go on a diet and start exercising. And if that doesn't work, talk to your doctor.
Also, how the hell can men use this excuse? They can't get pregnant!

53. Decorating with the help of Pottery Barn Kids—making sure your child’s room is the coolest ever.
- How about instead of having a kid just to decorate their room, you decorate the rest of your house and make it the coolest house ever?

54. That moment when your child picks your face out of a crowd and runs toward you with arms outstretched.
- I bet a dog could do the same thing. Or your significant other. And I bet one of those two is much cuter than a kid.

55. When you tuck your child into bed, and then hear the crash of thunder outside. Right then, you know that you have the power to keep another human being safe from harm. It’s a rush.
- The ego boosting again. You people must have some really low self-esteem or something. You can keep a significant other, pet, or other family member safe from harm, too, ya know.

56. For a husband, having your respect for your wife quadruple after watching her give birth.
- I'm pretty sure most guys, if they really watch the birth, would be disgusted. I would.

57. Giving and receiving unconditional love.
- And the disillusionment is back. Children do not love unconditionally. If you want unconditional love, get a dog. Most of them will love you for just existing and it's just icing on the cake if you talk to them, love on them, feed them, play with them, etc.

58. They love your singing voice no matter what it sounds like.
- No they don't.

59. For dads — receiving Father’s Day presents (even the ubiquitous tie).
- The gift thing again? Come on. Are you that hard up for reasons that you have to keep basically repeating them?

60. The joy of baby’s first Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah.
- Head, meet desk. Desk, this is my head. I'm sure you will have lots of fun together.

61. Sparkly eyes.
- Yep, grasping for more answers. You want sparkly eyes? Google it!

62. Tickle fests.
- Tickle your significant other. Or let them tickle you. What do you need a kid for that?

63. Finally being able to understand some of the decisions your parents made when you were a child.
- So you, as an adult, are not capable of understanding those decisions until you have a child of your own? You aren't capable of using your BRAIN to figure it out? Do you really need to be reproducing, then?

64. The pleasure of watching your baby fall asleep in your arms, then kissing baby’s chubby cheeks.
- Selfish reason number...wait, what number are we on?

65. Teaching your child all the things you’ve learned throughout your life — not letting that hard-earned knowledge go to waste.
- Well, desk, you and my head meet again. Apparently these people can't think of other ways to share their knowledge.

66. Silky baby curls.
- Alright, since you obviously didn't hear me the first few times: COME UP WITH SOME REAL REASONS TO HAVE KIDS! THESE AREN'T REAL REASONS!

67. Claiming your child as a dependent on your tax return.
- So you just want the tax breaks. Jeebus, you sound like my grandma! Next you're going to be telling me that God made me born so I should wuv all da widdle babbies and care if they're born or not.

68. Bath time! Bath toys! ‘Nuff said.
- Get your own bath toys if you want 'em that bad. 'Nuff said.

69. Insuring that your genes will carry on to future generations.
- Newsflash: Your genes aren't so freaking special and important that it matters whether they carry on or not.
Also, because I feel like being a nit-picky smart-ass, you used the wrong word. It should be 'ensuring'.

70. Babies are miracles!
- Biology. It's freaking biology! Stop with the miracle thing! Miracles don't happen multiple times a day all around the world. Babies do. Therefore babies =/= miracles.

71. You forget about things you used to care so much about, because they actually don't matter at all.
- Wow, now we're getting condescending. Nothing mattered at all before! Not your husband/wife/significant other, not your pets, or your friends, or the rest of your family, not that college degree you worked so hard for, not that job you've always dreamed of having, not anything! How could anyone think that something matters more than having a pwecious widdle babby and being da bestest mommy evar in da whole wide world!

72. You finally understand what "a mother's instinct" means.
- I love how people think that the moment someone pops out a baby, they automatically have maternal instinct. That's not true. What about all those moms who kill or abuse their kids?

73. Another playmate for your other kid(s).
- Yeah, that's a great reason to have (another) kid. (9_9)

74. Have another child to help end abortion.
- ...What? Oh, yeah, that's going to help end abortion. Because you're planning to out-number all of us "baby-killers", right?

75. Have another child to counter global depopulation.
- We're under-populated? When did that happen? Last time I checked, we were over-populated. Yep, still over-populated. Next!

76. More babies to nurse means less risk of breast cancer.
- According to who? Where the hell do you people get your information? As far as I know, there is no scientific proof that breast-feeding reduces the risk of breast cancer. And frankly, I'd rather take my chances with it than have kids.

77. It's just as easy to cook for ten as it is for one!
- Speaking from the experience of cooking enough of a dish for my girl scout troop in 5th grade, no it really isn't. That was the biggest pain the ass. And I enjoy cooking.

78. The more children we have, the more impact we have upon the world.
- While I'm sure you mean a positive impact, it would actually be quite the opposite. The more children you have, the more over-populated the earth becomes, and the more resources are being sucked up.

79. Because babies are the most irresistible things on earth.
- Know what's irresistible? Kittens. And puppies. Babies, not so much. And just because they're irresistible, doesn't mean you need to have them. I love puppies, but I won't get one.

80. There is no occupation more rewarding than motherhood.
- I think there are plenty of doctors, scientists, cops, soldiers, teachers and the like who would disagree with that.

81. Babies are future dish washers!
- There are dishwashers for that. Mechanical dishwashers, which don't cost nearly so much and don't fuss, scream, or talk back. Or need a college fund. Or ask to borrow the car. Or do drugs...

82. Your dream vacations actually consist of doing things with your family instead of sunning yourself on a beach alone with your husband. And you don't care. You actually like it better.
- Well, I wouldn't be sunning myself on a beach anyway. There are other vacations you can take that are a ton of fun - and would be more fun without kids to dictate what you're doing!

83. Children are much more fun much longer than any new cell phone or Ipod.
- Not really. And the thing with kids, you can't just forget about them when you do get sick of them.

84. Better than a cat, plus no litter box.
- Ha! Yeah right. Let's see, cats can be left to their own devices, you can leave food and water out for them and not have to worry, litter boxes aren't nearly as messy as diapers and there's no potty training to deal with, they don't usually need baths, they can be left on their own for a weekend if they have enough food and water, they're small and furry, they don't need a college fund, or need to borrow the car, they don't have to have the latest fashions...need I go on?

85. No one will think it strange when you buy comics.
- Who cares if people judge you for that? Are you that freaking insecure? Plenty of adults buy comics - if you want them, get them.

86. You can justify having all manner of junk food in the fridge on the grounds that the kids put it there.
- Blaming things on the kids again. That's real nice of you.

87. Making babies is fun.
- Ya know what's probably more fun? Having sex all you want and not having a baby. Then you can have more ~~sex~~ fun.

88. The chance to make the world a better place.
- There are a ton of ways to do that without adding to the population. Like volunteering.

89. Picking out baby names.
- Write a story if you want to pick out names so badly. Or hell, just pick them because you can.

90. Stuffed animals.
- Who says you need kids to have stuffed animals. I have a bunch of them. I collect them. I love them. And I do not need kids to justify that.

91. Having an excuse to make cookies.
Want cookies? Make 'em. Stop using kids as an excuse to do things.

92. Having a purpose to your life.
- Kids are the only thing that give a life purpose? Wow. So my life is meaningless because I don't have kids.

93. Park in the "stork" space at grocery stores.
- If we had those around here, I'd be tempted to park in them just for the hell of it. Except I actually don't mind walking.

94. Save money by not buying birth control.
- And instead, spend a lot more money on raising kids.

95. Job security: moms have it.
- And they don't get paid for it. And they don't get to take vacation or sick days. No thanks.

96. Improved immune system. It's a law of nature: Moms never get sick.
- Oh, they get sick all right. They just can't take sick days to recover.

97. Free time is overrated.
- You don't have a whole lot of that when you're working/going to school, either. And I like my free time a lot, thank you very much.

98. Cuddling under a big fleece blanket while watching movies together.
- What, can't do that with your significant other? Or a pet? Or a stuffed animal?

99. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other big holidays would be very lonely if you didn't have anyone to share it with.
- So...you don't have parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, friends, pets, a significant other, llama, ninja, or an imaginary friend?

100. Baby showers.
-Because you want free stuff, right?

****

Ugh, that took forever. And I think my head and my desk are on very friendly terms right now. I think I'm not going to open up any more emails from this particular family member, either. I am planning on another post or two (or three) sometime in the near future, but considering the amount of times I've said things like that and it hasn't happened, I honestly wouldn't hold your breath. I am going to try, though. In the mean time, it's getting late and I was hoping for a chance to actually play catch up with some of my novel writing.

There are so many things I could call this post...

2010-12-21T10:31:00.006-06:00

Yep, lots of posts from me. Enjoy it while it lasts. I'm still working on my commentary for part 2 of that list. I should be posting that sometime tonight/tomorrow, depending on work load and how often my head meets my desk (cuz, ya know, I can't exactly work on it if I end up knocking myself unconscious, which is a very real possibility with the way the list is reading.)

In the mean time...

I had mentioned a few posts back about an awful sign I saw, that I would post about later, so here it is. Several months after I saw it.

Story time!

Some time back, I was trying to get...somewhere. I don't even remember where I was going now. I think I was trying to find a library. But I couldn't find the place, got lost and had to drive around trying to find my way home. I have no sense of direction, I'm horrible with street names, and I haven't lived here long enough to know most of the street names and where they are in relation to each other, anyway. And I was too scared to stop and ask for directions. This place scares me more than the Detroit Metro area did.

Then, I saw a familiar street name! I cheered. ヽ(･∀･)ﾉ I was certain this would take me home, because it was just one street over from where my subdivision starts. So I took it. And kept driving and driving and driving and driving. Wow, I came really far. Oops. I hadn't meant to drive this far out.

Σ(゜ロ゜;) Oh, no! There's the end of the street! That's not right. It should go all the way to my subdivision!

Wait, what's that sign? Oh my penguins. You have got to be kidding me. (￣д￣; )

I was glad there was no other traffic. The sign shut my brain down momentarily. Unfortunately, I did not have my camera with me so I couldn't take a picture. But when I finally found my way home (I am, fortunately, used to Michigan roads, so I had little trouble locating where the road started up again further down the cross street) I used Google Maps to see if I could find it so I wouldn't have to drive back out there just to get a picture. Which, I would have. I just didn't want to.

Here is the sign in question:

Yeah. It uses a non-existent word. And no, I don't know what the hell those drawings are supposed to be.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised by the sign. I had just driven by about a half dozen churches in a one mile stretch just a couple minutes before. Which was why I was afraid to stop and ask for directions.

When I got home and told my mom about the sign, she said she was surprised I didn't run the sign down with my car. It was tempting. But I love my car too much and that was a big sign.

The things you see when you don't have paint or a rocket launcher in the car. *sigh*

100 Reasons to Have kids - with snarky commentary by yours truly (Part 1)

2010-12-20T23:05:00.026-06:00

Yes, I disappeared again; I get the feeling everyone was expecting that, though. Ya know, seeing as how I keep doing that and all...But, I am back, and I have several gripes (which will be different posts as I have a chance to write them). One of the big ones is a list I received in my email from a family member: 100 reasons to have a child. I don't know where the hell they got it from, but it pisses me off ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ
This particular family member knows I don't want kids, but feels the need to try to convince me that I really do want kids and just don't know it.

I'm sharing the list here, with my commentary. Because I feel like being a snarky smart-ass right now. This is part 1 of 2, just because 100 reasons with comments would be way too long of a post. Part 2 will follow soon.

1. The smell of a baby’s head. Yes, the rumors are true. It rocks.
-No, it really doesn't rock. It smells like baby, and baby-smell is really, really gross, unless you like the smell of dirty diapers, puke, and baby food. Even clean-baby-smell smells bad.

2. Pudgy hands.
- That's a reason to have a baby? You're really hard up for reasons, aren't you?

3. Chubby feet.
- Yep, hard up already and look how far into the list we are!

4. Tiny toes.
- Still? Come on. *rolls eyes*

5. Buying cute outfits at Baby Gap.
- Why do you need a kid for this? If you really want the outfits, buy them. Oh, but I forgot. You need to have a kid to dress up in those cute outfits. You know, dolls are much cheaper and easier to take care of. And they never grow out of or ruin those expensive clothes!

6. For mom, the exhilaration of knowing that you’ve made it through labor and delivery—something your husband could never, ever do.
- You want to bring another life into the world, just so you can know that you did something you're biologically capable of, that your husband isn't. Mm-hm.

7. Guiding another human being towards independence.
- Well, you know, you can help do that without having kids of your own.

8. Looking forward to the day when you and your child are truly friends.
- Oh, look! It's a disillusioned parent who thinks that all kids end up being friends with their parents! Isn't that cute?
Yeah, I'd rather have adult friends, thank you.

9. For mom, getting flowers and gifts on Mother’s Day.
- Wow, that's a reason, too? Gifts on your birthday and at Christmas, and maybe Valentines Day aren't enough?

10. Being able to choose a name for someone else that they’ll use for the rest of their lives. Oh, the power.
- Aw, they're still disillusioned. This is really just too much! I can't take it.
You're assuming they will use the name for the rest of their lives. Hell, I changed my name. I know several people who did.

11. The first smile.
- And we're back to grasping for reasons. Not that we weren't already, but these particular ones make me realize just how desperate parents really are to justify their choice.

12. Whipping photos out of your wallet and bragging about your kid may not make you popular, but it sure is fun.
- Well, it definitely doesn't make you popular, you're right about that. But you know, there are other ways to have fun that don't involve pissing people off. I can give you a list, if you'd like. Or if you enjoy pissing people off, there are ways to do it that don't involve bring another person into the world.

13. The first “mama”.
- Grasping for reasons again. This is really not a good reason to have kids. Though judging by the phrasing, getting called 'mama' must get old pretty fast.

14. The first “dada”.
- See above. Sure are desperate, aren't they?

15. Not having to answer, “When are you going to start a family?” from nosy aunts at family reunions.
- Oh, this is a great reason! Not. How about you come up with a snarky response or something? Or just tell them to back off and mind their own business? Besides, if you're married, you're a family, and you have a family even if you're single, if you have nosy aunts bugging you.

16. Being able to live out unfulfilled dreams through your child (the fun of a Thomas the Tank Engine train table with all the accessories cannot be described, only experienced).
- Because you can't fulfill dreams without kids. Right, got it. I'll get right on that baby-making so I can start using them to live out my unfulfilled dreams.

17. Seeing what you and your spouse’s features look like when combined.
- Ya know, I'm pretty sure they have software for that now. So, you don't have to bring another person into the world just to see that. Not that it's really all that interesting.

18. The first hug.
- The rest suck.

19. The first steps.
- The rest of these suck, too, I guess.

20. Being perfectly justified in buying all the art supplies you’ve ever wanted. Finger paint, play dough, scented markers. Bring it on.
- Why do you need any justification besides, "I want to."? If I want to play with finger paint, or play dough, or any of that stuff, I'm going to do it, damn it. I don't need a kid for that.

21. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child. They really are wide-eyed and innocent.
- You can go baby-sit or work with one of those Big Brother Big Sister things. And I don't think it's all that interesting seeing things through a kid's eyes, anyway.

22. Baby’s first kick during pregnancy. It’s the neatest thing you’ll ever feel.
- Actually, I think it would be the freaking scariest. It would be like there was some alien in there, moving around, waiting for just the right moment to burst out and murder everyone.

23. Letting other people feel the baby kick during pregnancy.
- And this is a reason...why? I doubt you're doing it to warn people about the impending hostile alien take-over.

24. Pregnancy: the total, absolute freedom to eat anything, in any quantity, at any given time, without so much as a raised eyebrow from anyone in the vicinity. Luscious!
- Ah, you want an excuse to not have any self control. I see. You're another one of those breeder-brained asses who uses everything child-related as an excuse for your short-comings because you can't handle potentially being judged by complete strangers.

25. For mom, seeing a new side to your husband: being “daddy” brings out all the right things.
- If your husband didn't have all the right things to begin with, why the hell did you marry him? Oh, wait. Because you wanted a baby-daddy, that's right. My bad, carry on.
Also, I would not like that side of my hypothetical husband. Being 'daddy' is one of the biggest turn-offs I can think of.

26. Instant ability to connect with any parent, anywhere. You both know exactly what the other is feeling.
- Is that why I see all those parents jumping all over each other when they disagree about breastfreeding, schooling, sex ed, etc.? It all makes so much sense now...

27. First tooth.
-Alright, already! We get the picture that you think all those firsts are a good reason to have kids! Let's stop grasping at straws and come up with some real reasons.

28. First word.
- Ugh, you don't listen very well, do you? Oh, I'm sorry. You're probably half-deaf from your kids' constant shrieking. I'll try to keep that in mind.

29. Cuddling with your baby.
- Furry critters are much more cuddly. Or you could always cuddle with your husband/wife/significant other.

30. In the early years, being thought of as the smartest, strongest, bravest person alive.
- Ego boost. You want to bring another human into the world for an ego boost. That's nice. Ass.

31. Being able to commit to, and follow through with, the decision to not make all the mistakes your own parents did.
- And how do you know you will, hm? Becoming a parent does not mean that you won't make mistakes, including the same ones your parents made.

32. Knowing there’s someone to take care of you when you get old.
- We're on to the selfish reasons, huh? Know what your kids are probably going to do? Stick you in a home and forget about you. It's statistics.

33. Rejoicing in all your child’s achievements: graduation, marriage, starting a website.
- Or you could rejoice in your own achievements. Or your significant other's.

34. Being able to comfort your child when they’re down.
- Become a counselor. Then, you can help lots of kids.
Oh, but it's not the same when it isn't your own, is it?

35. Knowing that your needs don’t have to be the first thing you consider when making a decision.
- Why the hell is this a reason to have a kid? Your needs might take a back seat to your significant other, or to your pets...or to no one. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

36. The fun of playing at the park with your child.
- You could baby-sit.

37. Getting to tell someone something they didn’t already know (Why is the sky blue?)
- Become a teacher. Oh, but this is the same as becoming a counselor. And you have to be qualified to do either of those. You can have a kid even if your IQ is smaller than your shoe size - no qualification required, aside from having functional reproductive organs!

38. Helping with homework keeps your math and grammar skills sharp.
- Now see, this is a good reason NOT to have kids. You have to relearn all that crap that almost no one ever uses.

39. The first time your baby laughs.
- Again with the firsts! Jeez people, come on.

40. After years of being a “couple”, finally becoming a family.
- I'm sure your husband is glad to know you didn't consider him family before you started popping out babies. Because it's not like he's IMPORTANT or anything.

41. Being a parent doesn’t make you realize you’re selfish; it cures you of your selfishness.
- Then what was all that about having kids to take care of you, and justify you playing with finger paint, and living through them, etc.? Ah, that's right. You're a parent so you're automatically a saint, therefore nothing you do now can be considered selfish.

42. The pride you feel the first time your toddler scribbles with a crayon.
- And another first. Over a freaking scribble. Boy, you people just keep reiterating how smart I am to avoid joining your ranks.

43. Seeing your parents as grandparents enriches your relationship with them.
- Oh, so you couldn't be bothered to try to enrich relationships with anyone until kids came along. That's good to know.

44. The opportunity to observe, firsthand, the incredible stages of development unfold during the first five years. It’s like having a Piaget workshop in your very own home.
- It's not that incredible. It's biology.

45. Vowing to dress your child normally, unlike your own mom who made you wear polyester.
- You're going to have a kid, just so you can dress them 'normally'? So they can resent it the way you resent the way your mom dressed you? Go get a doll to dress up. They never resent it.

46. Reading your child all the books you loved as a child (starting with Pat the Bunny and ending with the Lord of the Rings trilogy).
- Or you could, you know, go volunteer at the library if you want to read to kids. But I guess this falls under the same frame of mind that it's not the same when the child isn't yours.

47. While not abusing this power, the opportunity to say “Because I said so” every once in awhile. And having that be the last word.
- The ego boosting again. You really enjoying having power over people, huh?

48. Taking your child to all the places you’ve been (your favorite countries, cities, and landmarks).
- Okay. Why? First off, traveling with a child is a pain in the ass. Second off, the kid likely isn't even going to care, unless you're going to Disney Land or something, in which case the kid's going to be whining about wanting this and that and that other thing and "we have to go on that ride I wanna go on the ride right now WAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

49. Someday, your child will probably give you grandchildren. According to grandparents, they’re even better than your own children.
- They're only better because you get to give them back when you're tired of them. But you know, this is selfish, too.

****

Yup, we're not done yet; I'm working on part 2 right now.

NaNoWriMo

2010-10-05T17:06:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's once again been a while since I last posted. I apologize for neglecting the blog again. I'm just horrible about updating things sometimes.

I came back today to spread the word about a childfree NaNoWriMo community on LiveJournal: cf_nanowrimo . It's exactly what it sounds like (a NaNo community free of parents and their incessant talk of their children) so anyone interested, feel free to go check it out.

For those who don't know, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, a writing challenge that takes place during the month of November. The goal is for participants to write a 50,000 word first draft of a novel in 30 days. It doesn't have to be good, it doesn't have to even make sense. It's just a way to get that first draft out, because so many people say "one day, I'll write a book" and never do because they're "too busy".

I participated last year (and briefly the year before, but had to quit early on) and it was the most awesome experience. Of course, if you aren't a writer, you may not find anything all that exciting about it. You don't get anything for finishing, other than your ~~unedited mass of text~~ manuscript and a coupon code for a free proof copy of your novel from CreateSpace. But I felt like I had really managed to accomplish something last year when I finished mine.

Anyway, point is, if you're interested, NaNoWriMo is awesome, and hopefully that community will be, too.

Bingoes, Children, and Books, Oh, My...

2010-07-09T23:45:00.004-05:00

Yes, once again it's been awhile since I posted. And yes...that is a rather cheesy title I came up with. I blame the pain medication I'm on for my knee. It's made me a bit loopy. A number of things have happened in my personal life that have kept me very busy - and very stressed out - and I've had far more run-ins with ill-behaved and/or unsupervised children than I care for as a result, as well as a number of frustrating conversations with family members.

First off:

A little over a month ago, there was an incident that landed one of my cousins in the emergency room. That incident pushed them to move out of their apartment soon after. There was an empty place for rent a couple houses away from where my mom and I live; my grandmother signed the lease for them, because they couldn't get it themselves, since none of them have jobs. There was a lot of stress with the move - mostly due to my cousin's condition, but by the time they moved in, he was out of the hospital - but it's done and over with now.

During this time, Cousin-with-the-kids was talking about maybe starting school, and she sounded interested in where I'm going. I thought, Great! ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ She's finally going to get off her lazy ass and do something with her life, instead of using her kids an excuse not to. Then the excuses started coming out - from her and my aunt.

* She doesn't have a car that works, so how will she get to school?
* There's no one to watch the kids while she's in school.
* She can't afford that tuition! She has kids!
* We're all under a lot of stress right now and it really isn't a good time (said even after things had calmed down and they'd had a chance to settle into their new place).

A - I said that if she started classes at my school, she could ride with me, so not having a car is not a problem. No, my car is not exactly child-friendly (the only seat-belt that works in the back is the one on the side that has a stuck door and trying to maneuver a car seat in there would be a pain in the ass, and only one could go back there anyway; she has two small kids) but I'm not offering to drive her kids anywhere, so it doesn't freaking matter. It would be me and her, no one else.

B - There is someone to watch the kids while she's in school: my aunt, who watches the kids all the time while my cousin goes out and parties with her friends.
Oh, but I forgot. Partying is so much more important than school, so she must be allowed to go out and party all she wants; school isn't important enough to warrant the same allowances.
(- ω´- #)

C - Because she does not have a job - has never had one, for that matter - and is a single parent with two kids, she could get full grants and loans, so she wouldn't be paying for part of her tuition while she was in school like I do (even though I make crap, but it's just enough because I don't have dependents). She could also get a cost-of-living check, as well. I don't know how it works, but there are other parents there who get them, including a single mother with 2 or 3 kids, who lost her job recently.
My aunt keeps saying that the tuition is ridiculously high - it isn't - and my cousin should be able to go for free, because she has children. She added that I should, too, because I don't make much. Which is BS. No matter what kind of school anyone goes to, there is going to be tuition to pay back, except for very rare circumstances. (I have no problem with paying for my education, because I know I'll be able to do something with it when I'm done, and I'm not going to slack off when all that money is on the line.)

D - Yes, they were under stress because of my other cousin. But that's the only stress they've had to deal with (the move wasn't that bad, because they didn't have to worry about work, school, or the kids) and he's out of the hospital and doing fine now, so that's no excuse. I work more than 40 hours a week most weeks (with a job that has, unfortunately, become very stressful these past few months) and then I'm in class about 18 hours a week on top of that - then there's the time I have to put in for homework and studying, because I have certification exams to take. My cousin does nothing but sit around texting or hanging out with her friends.
(。- ω -) She hardly takes care of her kids - everyone else does it for her. I don't think she's very stressed.

I hate lazy breeders! ヽ(#`Д´)ﾉ

Then, during the move, one of my cousin's friends was helping out. I went with Cousin, Cousin's Friend, and Cousin-with-the-kids to get drinks and food at a nearby drive-in. While we were waiting, Cousin's Friend commented that he loved babies (because Cousin-with-the-kids was talking on her phone to a friend who offered to take the baby for a few days while they moved) and Cousin chimed in that he did too, though Cousin-with-the-kids's baby was really fussy. I said that I was glad I would never have to put up with fussy kids. And the bingoes started, though only from the two males in the vehicle (who are both my age - WTF? （；￣Д￣）).

* "You'll change your mind when you have to take care of one."

I have been around them enough to know that I will NOT change my mind, and I said so.

* "But babies are great. You'll see. You'll have a bunch of your own one day."

"No. No I won't. Did you not just hear me say I won't change my mind?" *growing annoyed*
( -`ω -)

* "Accidents happen. Some guy will knock you up and once you're pregnant you'll be happy."

"Accidents only happen if you're not careful. And if, by some horrible chance, it did happen, I'd be finding the nearest abortion center and getting rid of the thing." *resisting the urge to hit someone*
( # -`ω -)

* Said in a very smug, condescending tone of voice: "You will get pregnant one day and change your mind."

At which point I punched my cousin in the arm and told him to shut the hell up and stop going on about crap he doesn't know anything about. His friend didn't push it any further, either, fortunately. I think he saw that I was pissed at that point - I can only take so much condescending, misogynistic BS before I snap and I was glaring daggers at both of them. I think I may have raised my voice a bit, too, near the end, which I don't usually do...

Second (this, fortunately, is not in regards to the horrible family I got stuck with):

I finally saw some decent parents! I recently discovered that there's a branch of the city's public library almost right up the street from where I live and I've been going regularly to get a couple books for when I actually have some spare time - and I make the time, because the nearest library where I used to live was more than 30 minutes away and my schools' libraries sucked, so I'm enjoying have reading material readily available like this.
(｡･ω･｡)

During my last trip, while I was browsing the shelves to see if something caught my eye besides what I had already picked out, there was a boy and a girl - probably around 5-7 years old or so - in a couple of chairs, quietly reading and I noticed a woman a few shelves away who kept glancing over at them, but it didn't look like she even needed to keep an eye on them. They were so engrossed in the books and being so quiet that I hadn't even noticed them at first; I don't think I would have noticed them at all had I not wanted to take a quick glance to see if there were any good manga on the shelf near that seating area (there weren't).

And today, when I returned some books and got some others, I heard a toddler being noisy and I thought, "Oh, great. Not another one! I actually have some time to spend here and there's a noisy kid to ruin it." (´- ω -｀;) But then I heard the mother tell her child to be quiet and sit down properly in the chair he/she was in or they'd be in big trouble and wouldn't get something-or-other that they had been promised (didn't quite catch what it was). The child not only listened, but was quiet the next 40 minutes I was there. Obviously, someone follows through with consequences, or else the child would have probably kept on.

Well, I will see if I can't turn out posts a bit more often in the future (once my mid-terms are over, of course). I do have some topics picked out and a general idea of what I want to say. In the mean time, I have a bit of studying to do.

On a Lack of Manners and Supervision

2010-05-02T18:29:00.003-05:00

Last week when my aunt, cousin, and cousin's 2 kids were over, I hid out in my room. Cousin's baby creeps me the hell out and I didn't feel it necessary to be conned into playing with/watching the toddler. When I came out eventually, I was informed that a couple of neighborhood kids - some of the younger ones who probably aren't quite old enough to be running around without an adult nearby - had gone up to my car and started banging on her. My car, sitting innocently in the driveway!

My mom called out the kitchen window for them to stop hitting my car and they ran off. I just...what? щ(ﾟﾛﾟщ) Where was the adult who should have been watching them? And what the hell were their parents doing when they should have been teaching them that you don't go around messing with things that don't belong to you?!

I would never have been allowed to run around acting like that. What happened to parents parenting their kids and teaching them how to behave properly? And I'm tired of hearing, "they're just kids; they don't know any better."

Of course they don't - which is why its the parent's job to TEACH them. If they are taught what is right and wrong, then they will know better. And if they don't, then the parent is doing a lousy job. Sure, kids are stupid, but they're capable of learning, so if parents just took the time to do their jobs, then there wouldn't be so many ill-behaved children running around. I think my generation was the last that actually had parents instilling discipline because most of the kids I know of who are more than a couple years younger than me are generally not as well behaved, and the younger they are, the worse it is.

It's rare that I see any kids who have manners and act like civilized people. In fact, I can think of only one I actually know, and a couple I've seen in public - as opposed to the many, many children I see every time I go out who don't know how to act like civilized human beings.

Somebody stop the planet - I want to get off before I see where these ill-behaved children lead the world!

When did children become such a big deal?

2010-04-20T08:18:00.008-05:00

I've noticed more and more lately that everywhere I turn, things are becoming more kid- and family-centered. I've seen news articles regarding babies and children being allowed in bars, seen children in places one wouldn't expect to see them, I hear nothing but talk about people's children - I can't go into music communities or forums without seeing people making comments about how now that such-and-such musician is married he/she and their spouse will have such KYYYYUUUTTTEEE BBAAAABBBEIS.

Now, I don't go into bars, personally. I couldn't legally get into one and drink, anyway - I'm underage. Even if I were old enough, I probably wouldn't go (not fond at all of the smell of alcohol); if I did, it would be with friends, I would be the designated driver, and I would proceed to sit there and watch and laugh at all the stupid drunks. Bars are an adult place, for adults to unwind, have a few drinks, and possibly do stupid things as a result of said drinks (though their stupidity is, by no means, limited to drunkenness). Bars are NOT Chuck E. Cheese; they are not places for children, nor should they become such.
If parents want to go out, fine - go out. But leave the kids at home with a sitter. Too paranoid and don't trust anyone to watch the kids? Can't bear to leave the kids for a couple hours? Don't go out or don't go to a bar. There are plenty of family-friendly restaurants out there, so there's no need to drag your kid to a bar and ruin the nights of everyone in that bar.
Newsflash, parents-who-drag-your-kid-absolutely-everywhere-even-to-places-they-don't-belong: not everyone thinks your kid is precious, perfect little angel. People do not go to bars in hopes of being around children. They don't think, "Oh, hey, let's go to a bar. I hope so-and-so's kids are there with them! That would be awesome!" They go to bars with the express purpose of drinking alcohol - or watching drunk people be drunk while their friends join the drinkers. They don't want to have to censor themselves - and plenty of parents expect it if their children are present, despite the fact that it's a BAR - just because someone couldn't be bothered to find a sitter or go somewhere more family-friendly.

It wasn't that long ago that parents actually adapted to their lives changing when they had kids - what happened to those days? When I was growing up (not all that long ago, seeing as how I only recently became an adult myself) my parents and my friends' parents found sitters for us if they wanted to go out. My mom didn't go out much - she usually saved it for when I was going to be staying at a friend's house overnight. She didn't take me into places children don't belong. When she had to bring me into work with her because she couldn't find anyone to watch me on short notice, I knew to stay out of the way and be quiet.

Some parents just don't seem to get that once they have kids, their lives change. There are places that children just don't belong in, but some parents insist on taking them anyway, because they seem to expect that things are going to be the exact same as before the kids were born. Here's another newsflash: things won't be the same, and the rest of the world should not have to make exceptions for your entitled ass. You CHOSE to have those kids - yes, it most definitely is a choice - so it's your responsibility to find someone to watch the child if you want to go out and party or something.

And all the talk of children...this is the exact reason that I don't generally care for talking to parents. I only hear about their kids - what he/she is doing in school, how old he/she is, what he/she did that weekend that was sooooooooooooo funny, how smart he/she is, etc. The conversation won't have had anything to do with kids and all of a sudden, BAM! The kids are being brought up.
Last Tuesday at school, I went to the break room after I finished the test so that I could write without possibly disturbing anyone (I prefer to listen to music when I'm writing, which we aren't allowed to do in class, and I have a tendency to tap on my notebook when I'm thinking). One of my classmates was in there and he asked me how hard I thought the test had been. Thinking we were done with the conversation after a couple short exchanges, I started to open my notebook only to have him bring up his kids. And then he proceeded to show me pictures of them.
*Sigh* What, because I'm a girl you think I care to see pictures of your kids, even though I've never talked to you before today? I don't even know your name and yet you're telling me all about your kids. It's great that you seem to love them so much, but I could really care less. You know, seeing as how I don't know you and all.
I didn't even know what to say. What could I say?

I don't get the trend, either, of people thinking that as soon as someone gets married, they'll start having kids. A couple weeks back, I was browsing through music forums and communities, trying to catch up on the news on musicians I listen to but haven't had a chance to get updates on (like tour dates, any releases I may have missed, any news regarding upcoming releases, and the like). I saw in passing that one musician had apparently gotten married a year or so back. This was news to me! He was one of the last people I would have expected to ever marry, so out of curiosity I went on a hunt to see if I could confirm this. I did eventually track down confirmation that yes, he got married (yay for him!). The majority of the comments? Along the lines of "awwww, im so happy for him now we'll have lots of cute mini-[musician's name] running around!!!!111one!!"
I saw only a couple comments that didn't make mention of him and his wife having babies - nice comments that basically said "glad he's found someone he's happy with!" Now, if despite his age (he's an older musician, around his early forties, if I remember right) he and his wife decide to have kids, well, more power to him. I don't see it happening, but then I didn't see him ever getting married, either.
HOWEVER, just because he's gotten married doesn't mean they're going to start having kids! The whole thing turned from a "yeah, he's married, he confirmed it" discussion to "yay! lots of mini-[musician's name] now!!!1111!!one!!!!11!" within a couple of comments. That was most of the comments (well over 50), and I think that was the most activity that particular board had seen in awhile and after that, activity died back down (maybe 2 or 3 comments to a post).
It made me want to tear my hair out...Children are not the end-all and be-all of everything. That was a freaking music community. Sure, let everyone know he confirmed that he did get married, but don't go all baby-rabid! He didn't say she was pregnant or that they wanted to start a family with kids. Save that for if they do actually have kids. Actually, no. Don't do that even if they do have kids. It isn't necessary. Take it elsewhere if you have to, but keep the kid discussion OFF the music communities.

I don't know when it was that children became the center of the universe, but it really irks me. They're people, just like adults are. The only difference is, they have no worldly experience and are liable to kill themselves at any given moment for sheer ignorance. That doesn't mean they need to be included in everything, or brought up all the time - they aren't that important! Children survived for generations without everyone making a big deal of their existence; they could continue to survive.

No, I didn't die...

2010-03-31T10:09:00.007-05:00

Yes, I haven't posted anything in quite some time. I have not died, dropped off the face of the planet (though that might be a welcome reprieve from work and school, and life in general), forgotten about this blog, nor do I plan to stop updating it. Life has been getting in the way and when I have had time, I haven't had the motivation to write a new post. I started writing this one last week and was interrupted and haven't had a chance to actually finish it until today (school and work have been insane lately).

Recently, I heard something I had to share.

We had just finished the written part of our test a couple weeks ago and the teacher had dismissed us for a 10 minute break before we started the technical portion; most of the students left, but myself and a handful of others stayed in our seats (this was one of the those rare 10 minutes I had to work on my current writing project and I was going to make full use of it). I was only half-paying attention to the conversation the teacher was having with one of the students - I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I was only a couple seats away and they were talking a bit on the loud side - but I caught the last part of it.

My teacher had, at one point several years ago, been in a management position somewhere - didn't catch where - and one of the workers was on some kind of probation and could have lost his job if he missed any work. The thing was, the worker's brother was in the hospital, dying. My teacher went up to him after confirming that the man's brother was indeed dying, and asked him why he wasn't at the hospital with his brother.

"Because I can't afford to lose my job and I will lose it if I'm not here."

What did my teacher tell him? "No, you need to be with your brother. Go, take time off, and be with him."

The man took a few days off; his brother died two or three days later. The guy was back at work soon after.

You're probably wondering how this is relevant. It's relevant because my teacher told his supervisor, when asked, something along the lines of how he was not going to make exceptions for mothers/parents needing childcare, because it was a completely different situation - this man's brother had been dying and he didn't want to see the worker faced with the guilt of not being there for his brother in his last days. My teacher - a parent himself - was willing to make an exception, not for a mother, but for someone who had a dying family member.

I have heard so many stories of parents being allowed to take off tons of time for sick kids, or school functions, or what-not involving their kids, but childless/childfree workers being unable to take off time, or made to feel like they shouldn't be taking off time, for ill or dying family members. It restores some of my faith in humanity when I hear stories like this.

And on another note, I was bingoed once more by my grandmother earlier in March, when she, my mother, and I were out to lunch one afternoon. This was a kind of celebratory lunch as we'd just had our taxes done and the damage wasn't as bad as expected (I, for one, was expecting to have my meager savings totally and completely cleaned out, but fortunately that isn't the case). While we were sitting there eating, tax breaks came up and what did my grandmother say?
"See, there's a good reason to have kids - look at all the deductions you get!"

This was a new one, but I'm fairly used to her bingoing me by now - it's gotten worse since my cousin had her second kid this previous October - so I just kept eating and told her something along the lines of, "Those don't come close to making up for the cost and time it takes to have a kid. It's definitely not worth it."

She started to say something about what if I hadn't been born - and what that had to do with kids not being worth the tax deductions, I'll never know, but I don't try to reason with people like her; it doesn't work - and I cut her off telling her that I wouldn't know the difference, so what did it matter?

Which prompted her to start spouting something about how God created me and "made me born" (her words; I'm not kidding. I still can't believe she actually said that.) so it would matter. Or something...she doesn't make a whole lot of sense most of the time, especially when she starts in on the religious talk. By that point, I was staring at her in disbelief and for once didn't have a comeback; her (so-called) "logic" made my brain shut down momentarily. My mom - I love her - stepped in then and more or less told my grandma to knock it off and leave me alone about it.

There are a couple other things I have to share (including this awful sign I saw several days ago) but this post has already gotten a bit lengthy and I need to finish getting ready for class. I don't know when I'll be able to post next, but I'm hoping this weekend will be on the slow side. Until then!

40 Reasons to have Kids (Commented on by Yours Truly)

2009-10-13T18:12:00.005-05:00

I saw this posted on an LJ community and decided that I'd try to take it apart. Let's see if I can get through all of these without being sick.

1. Desiring children with the man you love is as natural as breathing.
I guess I'm unnatural then, because I sure as hell don't desire children with anyone.

2. The experience of delivering a new life to the world is singularly exhilarating. If you fear pain, there's this lovely thing called an epidural.
Actually...it seems gross as hell to me. And I don't much care for the thought of a needle being jabbed into my spine, thank you very much. I mean really...how can someone enjoy shoving something the size of a watermelon out through such a small opening? Not to mention all the bodily fluids that come with it...

3. Breastfeeding: it's not only economical, efficient, and good for the baby, but it releases hormones that relax and calm both mother and child, lulling both of you to sleep. Who wouldn't want a natural nap-inducer?
There are other ways to release those hormones, I'm sure. And I don't need a natural nap inducer. I get plenty of sleep most of the time as it is because I'm not woken up in the middle of the night by a shrieking creature.

4. The world doesn't revolve around me and my daily desires.
No, no it doesn't. And I don't expect it to. Unlike many of today's mothers and their entitled whining.

5. Every human being has dignity and worth.
I wouldn't say they all do. What about serial killers and rapists?

6. A child is an unbreakable bond between husband and wife. Love breeds love. And more love. And more. There's nothing more desirable than the father of your children.
Then how come there are so many couples getting divorced? And I wouldn't say the hypothetical father of my children would be very desirable. Except as target practice. You know, so there wouldn't be more kids.

7. A couple becomes a family -- the whole becomes greater than its parts.
Why do there have to be children for it to be a family? My closest friends and I consider ourselves family. And what about couples who can't have kids? Or single-parent houses? Or homosexual couples? Or child-free couples?

8. Having a child is a cooperation with the sacred.
No, it's a biological function that most living creatures can perform. It's not that miraculous.

9. Children are some of the most charming little people I know: full of wonder, curiosity and innate kindness. Properly nurtured, they become equally charming adults.
Children are also some of the meanest little monsters in existence. Innate kindness? I don't think so. Kids are plenty capable of harming each other, animals, and everything else around them - on purpose. And there's no guarantee they'll be 'charming adults'.

10. You get to read all the favorite books of your childhood all over again.
I can read them right now if I feel like it. Why do you have to have kids to justify indulging in some childish behavior every now and again?

11. Children naturally grasp the lesson that people are more important than things.
No they don't. Children will beat the crap out of each other for no reason other than wanting a toy another child is playing with, and they do it quite often.

12. Children teach us the freedom that comes with self-discipline and self-sacrifice.
Why do you need kids for that? Go help the homeless, or the elderly, or an animal rescue.

13. The biggest drudgery is facing no one but myself day after day.
Whoever wrote this must hate themselves. I like facing myself most days. In fact, I rather enjoy being alone a lot.

14. I am not ideal ... why should I expect my children to be? Kids teach us the joy of unconditional love and acceptance.
Everyone expects their kids to be ideal, no matter how much they deny it. And no kid is unconditionally loved and accepted, nor do they love unconditionally and accept everyone/thing.

15. I will inevitably disappoint my children because I am not perfect. But, along the way, I'll be able to teach them that -- while nothing on this side of heaven is perfect -- the journey and the perfection that awaits us are worth every moment of trial on earth.
That might be true if you're religious. But why does that matter? Why is it a reason to have kids?

16. To remain or become a self-centered, self-enclosed egotist: what horror!
I'm self-centered and egotistic because I don't want kids...sure. Parents need to look in a mirror, because the reasons for having kids are a lot more self-centered, self-enclosed, and egotistical than most reasons not to have kids. And at least if we have selfish reasons, we're willing to admit it.

17. Taking time to care for the gifts I've been given ... yes, thank you.
I already do, thankyouverymuch. I don't need kids for that.

18. Motherhood is a vocation: fulfilling, rewarding, and full of unpredictable surprises.
It's a trap is what it is. And definitely as great as this is trying to make it out to be. It's boring, time- and money- and energy-consuming. It's tiring. No thanks.

19. Families: they are a reflection of the Trinity.
Uh...yeah, sure. I don't know what the Trinity is, but I assume it's religious. And...refer to #7, regarding families.

20. Relive childhood and all of its innocent wonder and mirth.
I don't want to relive my childhood. I like being an adult. And if I did, I could do so without a child.

21. To persist in saying "me first" is a sign of immaturity.
And so is insisting that your way of life is right for everyone else. Also, who says we have a 'me first' attitude? What about those of us who volunteer (or at least donate, if we don't have much time)?

22. A child will ignite the fond memories of your own childhood.
And you need children for this, why? See #20. And #10.

23. While you cannot ensure that your child will be happy 100% of the time, the desire for her happiness is a good, admirable and unselfish thing.
Uh-huh. And how about helping other people and trying to make them happy? Is it only worth it if there's a genetic link? I desire to make animals happy. That seems pretty unselfish to me.

24. The enchantment of being with one's children outweighs any and all other difficulties.
I think children add difficulties and stress.

25. If you worry about sending them off to school, homeschooling is a delightful, intellectually stimulating option.

26. Do something to change the world. Have a child. Raise a saint.
A saint? Oh, please. Now see, this is the kind of thing I was referring to in #14. Parents want their kids to be saints. It's not likely to happen. If they did, where did all the evil people come from, huh? Children are just as likely to end up drug traffickers, rapists, murders, and other kinds of criminals as they are to end up decent people.

27. Revel in the simplicity of a child's unconditional love and trust.
Like I said before, children do not love unconditionally. And they only trust like that because they don't know any better. And why revel in it? Why is this a reason to have kids?

28. Parenting will soften your hard edges and sharpen your compassion and empathy.
Not necessarily. Look at all the people who beat, starve, and otherwise abuse their kids. Being a parent does not make you a saint.

29. Motherhood is an insight into one's soul. It's better than analysis.
If you need motherhood to have an insight into your soul, I pity you.

30. Success is not defined only in terms of what one does for money. To succeed as a mother is beyond worldly success.
Again, why is motherhood the only thing a woman can do and be considered 'beyond worldly' success? Is volunteering ones time to help those in need not good enough?

31. When your husband becomes the father of your children, a new man appears: fiercely loving but practical and still-logical, nurturing but fiercely strong and protective. You will fall in love with him all over again.
Sure a new man probably appears - but not necessarily as described above. And just like with mothers, being a father doesn't automatically change a man. And falling in love all over again? I think kids get in the way of that. High divorce rates, anyone?

32. The child to whom you give life may be the one to fight the culture of death and the notion of a brave new world.
This is just like with the point I made about raising a saint. See that one. Is it just me, or are these awfully repetitive? Parents sure have to try hard to come up with different reasons to have kids...

33. "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers." -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
Take in all those kids who are unwanted, then try to tell me there aren't too many. And there can certainly be too many flowers if one happens to be allergic to them.

34. Children whittle away your time in ways that are ultimately beneficial: they have an uncanny knack for getting rid of the meaningless hobbies that used to consume you.
I think they have this backwards. Children do whittle away at one's time, but it isn't beneficial. They have an uncanny knack for taking up half the day just trying to get out the door to get the mail or run to the grocery store. So, of course you don't have time for hobbies.

35. Watching a child grow into a caring, sensitive soul is a reward that cannot be measured in book sales.
And where is the guarantee that said child would grow into a caring, sensitive soul? I'd rather have my worthwhile book sales, thank you. That hypothetical book may well benefit more people than said hypothetical child, especially if said hypothetical child turned out to be a mass murder or some such.

36. It's an awe-inspiring thing to have a child and the experience of feeling, "I didn't think I could ever love anyone that much."
It's just as possible to love someone else as much as a child. In fact, a child isn't the only thing one can love a lot. Why is it always about the children?

37. Already have a child? Have another. Siblings are the best birthday presents, Christmas presents, Father's Day presents, Arbor Day presents ....
No thanks. I really don't want a child - or a sibling - for a birthday present. They're not returnable. Really, what the hell? Just have one as a gift for someone? "Oh, here you go. Happy Arbor day, I had a kid for you. Have fun."

38. Baby toes. Need I say more?
I like my toes just fine thankyouverymuch. And what's so special about baby toes? They're toes. Little toes, but still toes. There's nothing special about little toes, unless you have a toe fetish.

39. Okay, I'll say more. Watching your baby sleep: You didn't know that angels could be held in your arms.
Damn, I thought you were done. I didn't want you to say more. And babies aren't angels. They're small humans, who are too much work.

40. Worried about money? What's worth more than a soul?
Eating. Having a roof over one's head. Having clothes. Really, come on. This is entitlement-minded at it's finest. You expect that if you have a kid when you can't afford it, that everyone else will provide for it (or in Christian words, God will provide for it). Screw that. I don't get that kind of help for my pets. It was my choice to get them, and they're my responsibility. No one else's. It's the same with kids - you have 'em, they're yours, they're your responsibility. End of story.

I had to take a break half way through this. This is so...vomit-inducing. I can't believe people fall for this crap...

Childfree Negativity?

2009-08-17T20:54:00.008-05:00

A member on the Childfree Life forums posted this link: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1234043/the_negative_personalities_of_childfree_pg4.html?cat=47

Ignoring the fact that the 'article' isn't very well written, I couldn't believe the sheer amount of stupid. The author states: "Yet it seems that many who have made the conscious choice to not have children are negative to those who do have children."

Perhaps we are sometimes. But that may have something to do with the fact that there are so many bad parents out there and we're tired of dealing with their lack of parenting and the spoiled, entitlement minded brats that result. I know of plenty of parents who are tired of other parents' bad parenting.

The author also states "many of them are alone inside since many child-free married couples come home to a bunch of pets which is different from coming home humans."

I'm not 'alone inside'. I spend a lot of time at home, with just my pets, and I'm perfectly content. In fact, I prefer my pets' company over human company much of the time. Once I'm married (providing it ever happens), I'm sure we'll be content with a cat or two, a dog or two, and perhaps some rats. Pets aren't nearly as tiring or demanding as children and they're often times just as happy to see you as a child would be - probably happier!

It's stated in the article that CF people can have abusive personalities. So can parents. My closest guy friend growing up has a mother who borders on abusive due to having a mild mental disorder. She wanted children, and she's usually a very good mother, but she has her episodes. His father wanted kids, but he's a pretty scary guy - my friend's father was the only one of our groups' parents I felt scared of. My step-father has an abusive personality. My maternal grandfather did. My stepfather's parents do. Anyone can have an abusive personality; it's not singular to the childfree.

if you hear some child-free couples and singles talk they're extremely negative like everything annoys them, I wouldnt be surprised that some don't see their siblings' children much because the overall tone of their mentality is negative. [...] From my own experience just about everyone I know who's got kids are actually if not happier than singles and married couples who don't have them.

Some childfree people are negative all the time. But, so are some parents. That isn't limited to those who are childfree. I'm sure sometimes the tone of childfree blogs and forums may seem negative, and I have a feeling that's where the author got their views, but just like everyone else, we need to rant sometimes. Those who choose not to have children are constantly ridiculed and looked down upon for our decisions, and we see so many things that piss us off - we need to vent somewhere, to people who will understand and not add to it by bingoing us, or telling us 'kids will be kids; deal with it or don't go out'. I think we CF are usually a pretty positive bunch!

An author by the name of Emma Tucker interviewed a woman named Corrine Maier who wrote "No Kid: 40 Reasons Not To Have Children" and she made claims saying to French women for them to open their eyes and look at the trouble children cause. She then also said that children are here to stop you from enjoying your life and how they're a detriment to the health of the planet. If that's not a childfree person who's negative what doesnt surpass that?

This is just one CF person who sounds negative according the author, and the author deems that enough evidence that all CFers are negative. That's like saying all Arabs/Muslims are terrorists - it isn't true.

What this woman failed to notice is that everyone who is raising children raise productive adults whether they're married or divorced.

This most certainly is not the case. My aunt raised two children and neither of them is productive adults. Both of them are bums. I think the author is the one failing to notice something here.

Something that I also noticed that doesnt get pointed out in these so called research studies is that child-free couples and singles are workaholics

No, not all of us are. This is another generalization that is not necessarily true, and I think is actually predominantly untrue. I'm CF, but I'm not a workaholic. I put in the hours I have to, and some extra if it becomes necessary, but I have a life outside of work. Of course, CFers probably seem like workaholics because we often have to pick up slack for the parents that take off tons of time from work. Not all parents do - I know that. My mom took very little time off from work and was a very hard worker; she's damned near a workaholic herself.

It's also proven that people who have children are less likely to suffer health issues and illnesses because they are more apt to staying healthy by seeing a doctor often. My neighbor hasnt seen a doctor since she was last diagnosed and treated for breast cancer(a longtime smoker) and she barely goes out.

Proven by whom? That neighbor, once again, is one person. The author seems to enjoy making generalizations based on one or two people and little - if anything - else. I see a doctor when something seems to be wrong. My mom waits. And waits. And waits. My grandmother sees a doctor often. She's not very healthy.

Research even says that childfree couples and singles have a better sex life when I know plenty of married couples and singles with kids who have fabulous sex lives and some admitted to saying their sex lives actually got better when they were pregnant and after the baby came.

People with kids having fabulous sex lives? That's not what I've heard...and it doesn't stand to reason that being exhausted from the constant demands of a baby would be beneficial to one's sex life.

but it doesn't have to consist of them posting their dismay of those who choose to be parents on the internet

Hey, we need to vent sometimes, and a lot of us don't know anyone in real life we can vent to who would understand. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's that simple.

If my neighbor looked at how healthy her counterparts are for the fact that they had children who cared enough for them to make sure they're seeing a doctor on a regular basis and making sure they have a comfortable home to live in she would have seen how much more fulfilling her life is

Not everyone's children care about their parents. My aunt and cousins come to mind...and a number of other family members, now that I think about it.

And I love the 'Did you know' on the side:

Child-free singles and couples can lack patience and are often unpleasant to be around.

Kids lack patience and are often unpleasant to be around, too! The same can go for parents. This is another thing that is not just limited to CFers.

Overall, the author doesn't have anything to really back up the so-called 'article', and it's hard to make sense of what they're saying sometimes (I had to re-read portions over a few times to get any meaning from it; I don't generally like doing that and won't usually bother, but I felt this needed to be dissected some.)

In my personal experience, aside from the need to vent (and who doesn't need to, sometimes?), we CFers are a lot of fun. We have a sense of humor, fun stories to share (that don't revolve around little Suzy flipping her food onto the dog or something), and a lot of interests to discuss. We take time to pursue things that interest us, and take time to actually enjoy those things. We have time to nourish relationships with other adults and build up our own character.

And there's always one thing we can be positive about: no matter how bad things may get, we don't have children to worry about/deal with.

Judgement

2009-08-06T11:59:00.001-05:00

There's something I just don't understand about some parents - and people who want to be parents - and that's one of their reactions when they hear that I don't like kids and don't want them. They look at me as though I've just said the most offensive thing one can imagine, or perhaps have grown another head in the span of that sentence (though sometimes I think that perhaps they would look at me less distastefully if I had grown another head).

Society has so ingrained in people's minds that children are precious gifts that everyone wants, that now people can't understand how anyone couldn't want one. And yet, there are stories all over the news about parents 'forgetting' about their children in a hot car, or drowning the children, or murdering them. There are so many children in the foster system - what, do people think that all of these children are there because their parents died or something?

I'm scared to death of snakes and spiders, but I don't gawk at people or react badly if they tell me they keep snakes or tarantulas as pets. That's their decision, and if that's what makes them happy and they aren't hurting anyone, then they can go for it for all I care. My friend's mother didn't like rats (before she met mine) but she never reacted badly to the fact that I keep them as pets.

Even though I've gotten used to it, I still don't like the looks - the looks that say 'what kind of horrible person are you, that you don't want kids?' and 'how weird; there must be something wrong with you if you don't want kids - how could you not want them?' Who are these people to judge us? Most of these people don't even know us, don't know our lifestyles or our dreams and ambitions, anything, and yet still they feel the need to judge us for our choice. Many of these people likely put less thought into having children than what they wanted for dinner that night, or what they were going to wear that morning. It may be ingrained in their mind that it's "just what people do", but there is a choice, just as there are choices in other aspects of life.

For some of us, the decision to not have children is obvious - it was for me. For others, a lot of thought went into it. And even though the decision was obvious to me, I still put thought into it. I knew I didn't want children and I didn't feel that I needed a reason, but I nonetheless wanted to be certain, so I thought long and hard about it. Perhaps I wouldn't have thought about it as young as I had, had I not been diagnosed with PCOS and warned against getting pregnant due to the medication I'm on, but I certainly would have thought about it eventually.

I sat down and really thought about the difficulties I might face getting pregnant, if it would be worth it to me, if it would be worth going off the medication to have a child and have to start all over on it afterwards. I thought about the chances of becoming a single parent like my mom had, about the difficulties of parenthood, of giving my dreams up for a child, of the health conditions that would be passed on, of so many things. And I decided that children weren't for me. I don't even particularly like them - and am actually very nervous and jumpy around babies - so why would I want one?

I don't feel there's anything wrong with my decision. Children simply aren't something I want, and they aren't something that would fit into the lifestyle I want. People aren't judged for not wanting a cat or dog, or bird, or fish, or rat, or for not wanting to be a police officer, or teacher, or doctor. So why are we judged for not wanting to be parents, for wanting to do something else with our lives? We aren't any different from anyone else when it all comes down to it - we simply made the choice to say no to something we didn't want.

Despite what so many people think, it is okay to say 'no' to having children.

Livejournal Community

2009-07-24T19:48:00.003-05:00

If there's anyone on Livejournal, come check out my new community, Young and Childfree. It's brand new so there isn't much there, but with some new members and contributions, I'm hoping it'll grow fast.

Baby Showers

2009-07-19T13:53:00.005-05:00

My older cousin, who is somewhere around 6 months pregnant with her second child (the cousin who doesn't have a job or take care of the kid she already has), is just providing more and more fodder for this blog. I found out through my mom - who heard this from my aunt - that my cousin is having a baby shower. Great. And guess what my cousin wants? A double stroller. This leaves my mom, my grandma, and myself shaking our heads in disgust.

My cousin's daughter will be 3 1/2 by the time this baby is born. By the time cousin is really taking the new baby places, L will be close to 4. Cousin does not need a double stroller. L is more than capable of walking when they go places. My mom did not have a double stroller and my brother and I are barely a year apart. Cousin does not need one when her oldest will be in kindergarten by the time the baby is a year old.

I don't even understand why women have more than one baby shower. They have stuff from the first baby. Granted, if it's a different gender, they probably need some new clothes, but aside from that...not really. By the second baby, shouldn't they be capable of providing for it? Hell, they should be capable of providing for the first one if they're going to have it! What are people doing asking for everything they need for the baby?

And why do women ask for stuff they don't need? I know they don't all do that, but so many do. My cousin (R, for the sake of not repeatedly saying 'my cousin') wanted all kinds of expensive things - that she didn't even need - when she had her first baby. She didn't need a changing table, but she was asking for a really expensive one. She was asking for an extremely expensive crib, and car seat, and all kinds of extra things. Yes, she needs a car seat and crib. But she shouldn't be asking for the expensive ones - she doesn't even have a job, and never did. Now she's asking for more expensive things she doesn't need for the baby. What she needs to be asking for is diapers and formula (ya know, seeing as how she doesn't have a job to support these kids). Basically, she's asking for (NEW and EXPENSIVE) free stuff just because she's popping out another kid she can't afford.

Hell, what's the point of baby showers, anyway? The woman's pregnant. Big deal - a lot of women get pregnant every day. Okay, if it's the couple's first baby, I guess it would be exciting for them, but after that, come on. You did it once. Yay for you. Pregnant again, ok, great, big deal, you did it once, so do a lot of women. You don't need more free handouts. It's your kid, you buy the necessities. If family and friends want to buy an outfit or two, maybe some diapers or formula, or a little toy or something, fine. That's little stuff - still expensive, but all baby stuff is. If you can't afford the necessities DON'T HAVE A KID!

Abortion and Dysfunctional Families

2009-07-13T16:10:00.002-05:00

This happened yesterday morning, but I wanted to give myself some time to calm down before I posted anything about it. Now, I really don't care if people don't share my beliefs - everyone has their own, and as long as they respect mine, I'll respect theirs. It's very rare that I'm ever offended when someone tries to paint my beliefs in a negative light.

Yesterday morning, however, I was offended beyond belief - and extremely pissed. It took every ounce of my self control not to just up and walk out of the room, though I'm really wishing now that I had.

According the preacher at my church, girls/women will only consider abortion if they come from a dysfunctional family where they were molested and watched their siblings be molested. They think that they can't bring a kid into a world like that because that's all there is to the world, as far as they're concerned.

Pardon my French, but that is the biggest load of shit I've ever heard in my life, and I've heard some pretty stupid stuff.

I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant, and I didn't come from a dysfunctional family. My biological father was never around, and my step-father was rarely home. My mom and step-dad divorced when I was 7. We moved a lot until I was 8. After that, my mom and I settled down and stayed in the same place until I was an adult myself. My childhood wasn't the greatest, sure, but I wasn't abused, neglected, or otherwise mistreated by anyone - aside from being bullied a bit in elementary and early middle school, but that was because of my choosing not to follow any of the popular crowd, and I certainly didn't see any of that in my home life. My mom supported my desire to be different.

Hell, I wasn't spoiled, but I had what I needed and got some of the things I wanted, too, as best my mom could afford them. I was well-behaved because my mom wasn't afraid to discipline me, but she never hit me with the intention of hurting me - a quick swat on the butt when I was small kept me in line and after awhile she didn't even have to do that anymore.

Yeah, okay, the world's f-ed up - we all know that. But a dysfunctional upbringing is not the only reason a girl considers abortion. I'm not in any sort of denial about my upbringing. I had it pretty damned good compared to a lot of people. There are a hundred reasons I don't want kids, and nowhere on that list is anything to do with a dysfunctional family, and the same goes for a lot of people I know.

I don't want kids because I don't want to go through pregnancy, because it takes every ounce of restraint I have not to go running from the room when I hear a baby fussing or crying, because I can't stand the smell of babies, or the messes they make, the germs they carry, their dependency, the amount of time and money it takes to raise them. I can't stand the sound of a small child shrieking and throwing a tantrum, I can't stand their grubby, sticky hands, the shows they watch, the noise they make, the thought of having to teach them EVERYTHING...I want my own life, a life that isn't going to be ruled by someone else.

There are still other reasons I don't want kids, but I'd be here all day typing them out and I'm sure I'd still miss some of them.

My mom came from less-than-pleasant circumstances. She was abused by her father - I don't know for how long, but it was long enough that she remembers it. She had an abortion when she was just a bit older than I am now - not because of what her father did, but because she didn't feel ready to raise a child at that point. 5 or so years later, she found out she was pregnant with me, and she had me and she raised me. She has not once let what her father did to her affect who she was or the decisions she made.

Very little makes me angrier than people assuming that just because I don't want kids and would have an abortion of I ever got pregnant, that I must have had a bad childhood and was brought up in a dysfunctional family. I had it a lot better than my mom ever did, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want kids.

I'm happy to be childfree because...

2009-07-03T23:28:00.004-05:00

Those of us who do not have children all have our own reasons for not wanting them, whether we actually like children or not.

I know full well that the things I enjoy doing are not things I would have time for if I ever had kids (though I think that's the case with most things). Without kids, I'm free to pursue whatever interests me. I'm in the process of learning Japanese, so that sometime in the - hopefully - near future I can take a trip to Japan to see my favorite band and do a little bit of sight-seeing. If I had kids, I wouldn't have the time or money to do that.

I can take the time to work on my novels when I have time off from work. In the last year, I've had time to finish the first half of both novels, start on the second halves, and write some short stories.

I can sit down and watch whatever I feel like watching, when I feel like watching it - be it a TV show, a movie, or a live concert of my favorite band. I don't have to worry about kids seeing any of it (and quite a bit of what I watch would not be appropriate for children, often because of language and violence.)

I can curl up in bed with a good book and a nice snack whenever I feel like it.

I can take a long, relaxing bath whenever I feel like it.

If I feel like sleeping in, I can, and I can go to bed early or stay up late.

If I feel like going out, I can on a moment's notice.

It's easier for me to set aside money for things I need or want without going into debt.

I have time to draw and write music, and play my guitar.

I don't have to worry about being a good example to someone, and I don't have anyone else to take care of 24/7; I have my pets, but they don't require constant care and attention.

I'm free to go to vocational school without having to work childcare into my schedule.

Parents may say it's worthwhile to have children, but I have a hard time believing that I would be happier if I gave all my freedom up, if I gave up who I am and everything I enjoy doing. To be honest, I think most parents are just trying to delude themselves into thinking they're really happy - whether they are or not, that's not a gamble I'm willing to take.

"You'll change your mind one day"

2009-06-26T23:28:00.009-05:00

A lot of people seem to think that they know my mind better than I do and I've been told numerous times since I was a child myself that I would one day change my mind about having children. I haven't changed my mind in the 15 years or so since I started saying I didn't want kids and I don't see that happening - ever.

I can clearly recall saying as a young child, "I'm never having kids." Every time I said that, I was told, "Oh, I said the same thing when I was your age and I changed my mind. You'll change your mind, too." The adults thought it was a phase. Thinking back on it, I never went through a 'phase' where I said I didn't ever want to get married, like a lot of kids. I've always felt that if the right guy comes along, I'd like to get married. Not because it's expected of me, or because it's what people do. Just because I'd like to, but if it never happens, then so be it.

But being childfree? Yeah, this definitely isn't a phase. Even when I was 6 or 7, I hated the thought of having a kid. One incident stuck with me - one of few memories I have from when I was young - and that was of a time when I was playing with my mom's then-boyfriend's 3 kids. The oldest was maybe 3 years older than me and a boy; the other two were girls, and the older was my age, the younger a couple years younger than us. We four very much preferred making up games of our own than watching TV or playing video games, and we usually agreed on every aspect of the games and got along well. One of our favorite made games involved us pretending to be different animals.

Unfortunately for me, I decided I wanted to be a panther, and some weeks into our game, the other three produced the panther Beanie Baby, deciding that I needed a 'baby' in the game. I argued with them for a good amount of time, then sulked off to go hide behind the couch, as I did NOT want a baby of any sort, even if it was just pretend. They followed me and told me that I couldn't play anymore if I didn't 'keep the baby'. Needless to say, that was no longer my favorite game. (Man, bingoed and pressured at 7 years old. WTH...)

No one ever took me seriously and I don't understand why that was, even as I got older. I mean, really...most girls eventually hit that rabid 'OMG I want a baby' phase, and I never did. The closest I came was thinking, 'well, they're kinda cute for screaming, smelly, vomit factories, but keep it across the room'.

My mother has finally decided that I am serious in my choice, and as annoying as it is that she didn't take me serious until I became an adult, it's nonetheless a relief that she's done telling me I'll change my mind. Everyone else, on the other hand, still are under the impression that they know my mind and I don't. And what's it to them if I do change my mind? That's my business, not theirs.

If someone says they don't want kids, even when they're kids themselves, people need to respect that. They don't go off telling all those little girls that they'll change their minds when they say they want to be mommies when they grow up, so why the hell are they telling that to a kid who says they don't want to be a mommy or daddy?

We're just as capable of making decisions as someone who wants kids, so there's no reason to assume we're any more likely to change our minds.

"But it's different when it's your own/You'll (he/she'll) love it once it's here"

2009-06-25T10:28:00.003-05:00

I got to thinking about all the bingoes I've heard of surfing childfree sites, and these two just get me (most bingoes do, actually).

It's different when it's your own...that's certainly true. When it's your own, you can't give it back! But seriously, it isn't always different. Look at all the reports in the news of parents killing their kids. Doesn't sound like it's much different if it's their own, unless it's different because they wouldn't kill someone else's kids. And since it isn't always different why take the gamble? It isn't just one life you're messing with, after all.

Then there's the "You/your significant other will love it once it's here" bingo. Mmhm. Sure. I've seen plenty of examples of that not being true. One in specific comes to mind, as I just saw it last night. I was watching Dog the Bounty Hunter, and one of the fugitives they were after didn't even know his own daughter's middle name - he said it was weird and he couldn't pronounce it (can't pronounce 'Love', huh?). Obviously, this guy didn't give a damn about his kid.

My maternal grandfather didn't give a damn about either of his 2 kids, either. He abused both of them. My friend's biological father abused her and her brother (fortunately, their mom didn't put up with it for too long, and she loves both her kids more than anything - you can see it; unfortunately, it has left some mental scars on my friend). I don't even know my own father, and neither do either of my cousins. Obviously, these people didn't love the kids once they were here. And again, why take the gamble?

Thanks, but no thanks. There's a reason I don't gamble.

Teen/Tween Pregnancy

2009-06-13T16:06:00.006-05:00

Yesterday, my mother went to help my grandmother with her garage sale. I stayed home, as I would have had to be up extremely early and did not want to have to deal with people that early. When my mom came home in the afternoon she told me something that both disgusted and made me worry for the future of this country.
Two of the people who came to the sale were a mother and her pregnant daughter - the daughter didn't look very old, according to my mom. At some point in a conversation (I'm not sure if it was with my mom, or my mom just overheard it) the girl commented that a friend hadn't understood something to do with pregnancy and sex (I think about sex leading to pregnancy), and the girl's mother said "oh, they probably don't teach that stuff until high school." That confirmed to my mom that the pregnant girl was in middle school, so perhaps 7th or 8th grade. First off, they do teach that stuff in middle school - I'm not long out of school myself and I specifically remember being taught that stuff all three years in middle school. And even if that weren't the case, why wasn't the mother paying attention to what her daughter was doing, and maybe...I dunno...not leaving sex education up to the SCHOOL SYSTEM?
Then, the girl informed her mother - after her mother said something my mom didn't catch - that "the girl down the street is pregnant, too, mom."
*headdesk* WTF is this? Some new fad? That girl, being in middle school, wasn't even at the age of consent and she was pregnant (and so, apparently was "the girl down the street"). And her mother didn't seem upset. If I had gotten pregnant that young, my mom would have kicked my ass, and we would not be on good terms after that. My mom would have kicked my ass if I had gotten pregnant when I was 18. She'd probably kick my ass if I got pregnant now. Hell, I'd kick my ass if I did.

That brought to mind, though, a girl I went to school with, who lived the next street over from me for quite a few years. She got pregnant in 7th grade, by an 8th grade boy (an aquaintance of a friend of mine, actually). She dropped out to have the kid and, as far as I know, never went back to school - at least, I never saw her around and I know she was still living in my neighborhood up until my sophmore year; not sure after that. That was about 6 years ago or so, and it was a big deal when it happened - none of my classmates could wrap their minds around it. Even into 9th grade (would've been the girl's 8th grade year as she was a year behind me) no one could believe it. Someone that age getting pregnant was pretty much a scandal in their eyes. But now? Nope. Not among the tweens, it looks like. Sounds like it's the norm, or at least getting to be.
I'm hearing more and more of this happening, and I just don't understand it. Why the hell aren't their parents keeping a better eye on them? My mom would never have allowed something like that to happen to me, and neither would any of my friends' parents.
Why would these parents allow their kids to ruin their entire lives, the babies lives, and the parents' lives letting them have those babies? Why aren't they talking to their kids about sex and why they shouldn't do something like that so young? Why don't they explain about a little something called CONTRACEPTIVES, that way, if the kids are stupid - as is so often the case, it seems - at least there's a better chance the kids wouldn't end up with kids when they're just kids themselves. Better yet, do what my mom did - threaten to kick their asses and hold them completely responsible if they do screw up.

"Who will take care of you when you're old?"

2009-05-24T19:21:00.007-05:00

I've never directly gotten this bingo, but my grandmother did bring it up when we were talking about my childfree status - how people have kids to have someone to take care of them when they're old.

She, of all people, should know better. My aunt is the perfect example of why having kids doesn't guarantee a caretaker when you're old. She only contacts my grandma when she wants something. If she doesn't want anything or my grandma doesn't give it to her, then she doesn't talk to her, she doesn't stop in and see how she's doing, nothing. If it were up to my aunt, my grandmother would be stuck in a nursing home first chance my aunt got to do it and my aunt would take everything for herself.

Besides there being no guarantee that kids would take care of their parents, there's also the fact that the same people who ask the question 'who will take care of you when you're old' are oft times the same people who consider parenting to be a selfless act. Mmhm. Let's break this equation down.

Selfless=unselfish (according to merriam-webster.com, the definition of selfless is 'having no concern for self').

Expecting child to take care of you when you're old='having concern for self', which is the opposite of unselfish. That's right, SELFISH.

Since unselfish =/= selfish, then that must mean...

Selfless =/= expecting child to take care of you.

Parents, if you expect your kids to take care of you when you're old, then you can't call yourself selfless. You're raising them and in turn expecting them to pretty much return the favor, with no regards to their own choices in life (like maybe they want to travel, but oh, guess what? Mommy and daddy need to be taken care of. Guess they can't now. Sorry, kid.)

Now, I don't need someone to take care of me when I'm old. I'm not going to be so busy devoting my life to kids that I don't have a chance to get out and make friends who could help me out if I really needed it - as much as I'd hate to ask - and I'm not going to have sink all my financial resources into raising a kid, so I can put aside more money to make sure that I'm covered in old age.

"Being childfree is selfish"

2009-05-20T10:07:00.006-05:00

This is not the kind of bingo I've ever gotten, but I saw a comment in a news article from someone that having kids teaches you to love someone more than yourself, that there are things more important than you. Basically, that person was saying that you can't love someone more than yourself if you aren't a parent, therefore, you are selfish because you don't think there's anything more important than you.

When parents have kids, does the logical portion of their brain stop functioning properly or something? Or is it defective from birth?

You don't have to have kids to love someone more than yourself. My pets are more important to me than I am. And I'm sure, providing the right guy ever comes along, I'll love him more than myself, too.

Yes, to a degree, being childfree is selfish. Some of us are childfree because we don't want to ruin our bodies with pregnancy, others because we enjoy having our own lives that don't revolve around children, we don't want the cost or stress that comes with raising a child...there are hundreds of reasons.

Some of us, though, don't have children because of health conditions we don't want to pass on, or there's a high risk for the child being deformed/handicapped. How is it selfish then to not have kids? It seems a lot more selfish to me to have a kid, knowing it could be handicapped or end up with some awful health problem and condemning it to living a life like that. An acquaintance of mine in high school inherited a heart condition - it sounded like it was pretty common in the family - and spent a lot of time in the hospital as a child. She despises hospitals now, but still has to go, even if it causes panic attacks, because her doctor has to monitor her condition. Growing up, she couldn't participate in a lot of things other kids her age were participating in because too much physical activity would have landed her right back in the hospital.

There are parents who have kids because they think kids=unconditional love, or they need to feel 'validated', or they want someone to take care of them when they're old (which I will touch on in another post), or they want the family name to be carried on, or a myriad of other reasons. Guess what, parents? All those reasons are about YOU, therefore, they're SELFISH. Good parents take care of their kids, but that's just like any other responsibility in life that a person chooses to take on. Parents aren't any more selfless than pet owners.

Sure, being childfree is selfish, but parents, don't put yourselves on a pedestal. Having kids is just as selfish.

2009-05-17T21:44:00.003-05:00

I've seen the Screecher-family again the past couple of Sundays, and as per usual, Screecher was being noisy and his parents were giving him candy for breakfast.
This morning, Screecher decided to lay in a chair and - you guessed it - screech very, very loudly. Screecher-mom was nowhere to be seen, and Screecher-dad only told Screecher that not everyone wants to listen to him, then proceeded to ignore the screeching. I had my MP3 player up just short of blasting - to a point that I'd normally worry about damaging my hearing - and I could still hear the little hellion.
And neither parent did a thing when Screecher-sister started crawling on the piano. *wince* She was on the keys, banging around. This is a family that obviously has no respect for other people's property, if they have no problem letting the kid crawl all over an expensive instrument like that.

I got another bingo from my grandmother on the way to my guitar lesson last week, and I was in shock for a moment, so I couldn't even think of a good response. Her bingo? "Oh, deep down you really want kids."
*headdesk* This...I still don't know what to say. All I could manage to get out was, "Uh, nu-uh. Not happening. I hate kids and you know it." I think she thinks that I really do want kids but am just in denial. *rolls eyes* Really, WTF? That's another logic fail...

Good news, though. I got a referral to a gyno! I couldn't get in until the end of June, but I'm taking it, because he was my mom's gyno when she was pregnant with me and my little brother and there's a better chance he'll at least hear me out and not bingo me just because he can. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

What...the...hell?

2009-05-05T17:48:00.002-05:00

I just found out today that my cousin (the 24 year old who doesn't have a job) is pregnant with her second child. She just recently moved out of her mother's house, and in with her boyfriend. I was hoping that meant she would try to get her life together and raise and support her 3 year-old daughter (El). I gave her too much credit, apparently, because she's 4 months pregnant.

My cousin cannot take care of the child she has. She has not tried to and does not want to. She's left her daughter's care to her mother and our grandmother. She'd rather be out with her friends, partying and having fun, than working and taking care of the child that she CHOSE TO HAVE. And now she's pregnant again, and I know she isn't going to try to take care of this one, either.

She oopsed her boyfriend - I know she did. She just wants some guy to take care of and support her so she doesn't have to lift a finger, and she's going to try to use this baby to get that, just like she did with her daughter 3 years ago. That ended in divorce when they'd been married less than 2 months, and El regularly visits her father in another state, where the little girl is no better taken care of.

I don't understand why the hell she's having another child when she can't - and won't - take care of the one she has. I swear, she needs to be forcefully sterilized and have her child taken away - and this one aborted.

The whole situation makes me want to tear my hair out, it really does. My mom and I saw this coming a long time ago; we both knew that she was going to actively try to get pregnant, so she could pull what she did with her ex-husband.

Kidnappers

2009-05-03T17:38:00.003-05:00

Know what I don't understand? Why someone would want to abduct a kid. It makes no sense. I mean, I know abducted kids end up dead eventually in a lot of cases, but what about the ones who don't? Why would someone steal someone else's kid, even with the intention of killing them?

Hell, does it make that person feel big and strong to kill a defenseless kid, or something? I think it does. It must. Why else would they do it?

But if someone abducts a kid for reasons other than killing, why? That's one I can't fathom a reason for, at all. Kids are noisy, messy, expensive, germ-infested hellions. So why steal one?

Those people are crazy ones, for sure.

I spied today...

2009-05-03T17:22:00.003-05:00

Being a writer, I do spend some time when I'm out in public just observing those around me. And of course, as this is a child-free blog, one can imagine that I saw something with parents and their children.

Since church is the one place I go to with regularity, that's where I make the most observations. Last week I noticed a little 2- or 3-year-old boy I dubbed Screecher, for obvious reasons. He screeched. A lot. And very loudly. I could hear him over my ear-phones, and those things do a damn good job of blocking out noise. Screecher has a little sister who can't be more than about a year old. Last week, both children were running around everywhere, and Screecher was crawling all over the furniture - including a coffee table. Where was Screecher-Dad? Right there. Not doing anything. Besides encourage Screecher to play some more. Screecher-Sister was dropping candy on the floor, then eating it. That really isn't sanitary. They were doing that for the better part of an hour.
I noticed them again today. The parents were letting the hellspawn run around the area unattended. Then they sat down at one of the tables and Screecher-Dad gave Screecher a whole candy bar for breakfast (this a 3-year-old, eating a full-sized candy bar for breakfast. What the hell?). You know, I don't care if this is a church - some psycho could still come along and snatch the kids up when they let them run around unattended like that. Screecher-sister ran off, and the mother chased after her, after which I noticed that Screecher doesn't chew with his mouth closed. Apparently, his parents taught him no manners, nor how to sit in a chair properly. With Screecher-Mom gone, Screecher eventually got up and started putting his grimy hands all over everything he could touch, then decided to work off that excess sugar he'd just consumed. He started towards me, but I ignored him and he veered off in another direction, thankfully, but still putting his sticky hands everywhere. I'm not a germaphobe, but really, that's unsanitary. Beyond gross. I think I need to start carrying sanitizing wipes with me, or something. *shudders*

As this is the second week in a row I've seen them (and not the first couple times I've seen Screecher-Mom), I'm sure I'll see them again. I'm thinking I need to start staying up in the library and just for-go my people-watching so I can avoid the hellspawn...

In less than a minute...

2009-05-03T16:58:00.003-05:00

Recently in church, the pastors have been preaching about how to strengthen relationships. Today's was about parenting. I tuned most of it out, but what I did hear sounded like a load of crap, to put it nicely. The preacher was talking about how if you just love your child and attend to their needs, "something clicks in their brains and they start thinking." They'll become good people, according to him. No. Just loving them won't do a damn thing. They could grow up in the most loving family imaginable and still end up being the next Charles Manson or Andrew Luster, or some other such criminal. They still need discipline, but he made it sound as though any sort of negativity (i.e. "No, don't do that. That's not polite") would be the most horrible thing ever for a child. *rolls eyes* Yeah, sure, whatever.

After the service, when my grandma asked me what I thought, I told her it was boring - it didn't apply to me. She knows I'm child-free. But what does she say? "Oh, you'll change your mind one day."

Uh, no.

And I flat out told her that. She came back with "But you were a child once."

*headdesk* Why do people think that the fact that I was a child at one point in my life mean that I'm going to feel the need to go off and have kids? Really? Where does this logic come from?

LOGIC FAIL.

Common sense and manners

2009-04-09T19:22:00.002-05:00

Apparently manners and common sense have started going out the window when women have children.

My brother is visiting us and my grandmother and I went out to lunch with him. We were seated first in a booth behind a woman, her husband (I assume) and 2 little boys. The youngest was maybe a year, the other maybe 3. The one year old was standing up in the booth, drooling on our side. Then he began coughing on the back of my grandmother's neck. The parents didn't do anything - didn't sit the kid down, turn him around, or apologize (and the father could see the kid was clearly coughing on a stranger).

We asked to be moved, and were. But what the hell were those people thinking? The kid was obviously sick. Why were they letting him cough and drool on strangers? I can understand wanting to go out for a couple of hours, but get a freaking babysitter and leave the kids home.

Not 5 minutes later, the younger kid started screaming. Loudly. Now, mind you, I have sensitive hearing and I was already irritable from lack of sleep. That little hellspawn was not helping things. All the mother did was quietly shush the brat. Let me tell you, if my brother or I had ever done that, our mom would have spanked us and told us to chill, and we would have listened. Of course, the kid kept screaming. I was about to get the manager, but the family started getting ready to leave, thankfully. I have the feeling, though, that had they still been eating, they would have let the kid keep screaming.

This is one of the main reason I hate going out anymore; breeders just don't seem to have an ounce of common sense or manners and let their kids do whatever the brats damn well please. I've never been big on going out, but I'd like to be able to go someplace and enjoy my outing rather than dread it, worrying that there might be tons of small, noisy hellions running around. Unfortunately, around here, my fears are realized every time I go out. With the exception of a couple of vet visits and a couple early morning trips to the grocery store, there is always a screaming/crying/whining/shrieking monster in the area. Or there are strollers taking up all the space. Or I'm having to dodge shopping carts pushed by inconsiderate kids who are big enough and old enough to know better.

I mean, really, what the hell? Stupid breeders...

This REALLY pissed me off

2009-03-30T06:31:00.004-05:00

I go to church with my grandma every weekend, as I'm sure I've stated in previous posts. I don't particularly care for organized religion, but it makes her happy, so I go. Yesterday I was reminded of one of the reasons I hate it so much.

The pastor was talking about sins and the terms used these days to downplay them. Not even getting into the fact that he called prejudice and homosexuality a sin in the same sentence (a bit prejudiced to be judging homosexuals that way, don't you think?), but he claimed that pro-choice is just a nice term for abortion.

Um, no.

Pro-choice is not just about abortion; it's about reproductive freedom. It's about being allowed access to proper contraception, sexual education, and - as a last result for most people - safe abortion, having the right to decide whether or not to bring a child into the world. Women should not be forced to have a child/children they do not want.

Completely ignoring the mother for a moment - since the whole pro-life side is focusing on the fetus - how the hell is it fair to the child to be brought into the world unwanted? That kid would grow up either in the foster system/adopted or with the mother. In the foster system, the kid wouldn't have a family and would know it wasn't wanted by someone - why else would it would be there? Adopted, the kid could have issues, too, knowing its parents didn't want it and gave it to someone else (I had a classmate in elementary school who was adopted and felt this way; she had a really hard time every time family was brought up in class - it never failed to leave her in tears because she felt her biological parents didn't want her, that she hadn't been good enough for them). And with the mother? The child would likely grow up unwanted, unloved, and resented, possibly neglected/abused. Oh, yeah, that sounds really fair to the kid *rolls eyes*.

It really bothered me when the pastor brought that up. It's one thing if they want to see abortion as a sin - fine, but don't go pushing your beliefs on me - but if he's going to try to say that pro-choice is simply about abortion, I have a problem with that. Personally, I wouldn't want to get an abortion, but if that was the only other choice I had to keep from becoming a parent, then yes, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

It probably seems stupid to be getting upset about it, but I don't think it's fair to be presenting pro-choice in a negative light like he did. The church is all about the children, but they don't stop to think about the fact that there are already enough unwanted children out there without the problem being added to by people having kids they don't want or can't afford.

The whole thing just really pisses me off, and I'm not sure I'm going to bother going back next week, not if this is the kind of thing I'm going to have to listen to.

Pressure

2009-03-21T02:22:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine, whom I've known for years, is like me in the fact that she doesn't ever want kids. She's had a lot of relationship problems - most caused by her exes, but a couple she admittedly brought on herself - and is about ready to give up on dating completely. My friend knows what being a single parent would be like, because her mom was a single parent for quite awhile, and she doubts she could hold a relationship together, especially with a kid.

The thing is, she's considering trying, because she knows how much her mom wants grand-kids and she feels like it would be selfish to deny her that. I don't believe her mom is trying to pressure her; she's always been very understanding and supportive, but that desire for grand-kids I think is still putting some underlying pressure on J. J even admitted she doesn't feel like her mom is pressuring her - J just doesn't want to disappoint her.

I love J - and her mom - a lot. They're like my second family. I really worry that she's going to make the wrong decision for herself and regret it, because she feels it's what's expected of her. It's not something she would do in the near future, thankfully, so she has time to really think about it, and I hope she does think it through.

I just don't understand how some people can give in to the pressure - whether the pressure is intentional or not - to have kids they don't really want. Having a child to begin with is selfish to a degree, but even more so when you're having a kid because it's expected. That's not fair to the child, because there will always be some resentment aimed at them.

The pressure society places on people just gets me. There's always that pressure to conform to society's standards and boo for you if you don't meet them. It isn't right that people are looked down on for going against the grain - whether it's a decision to remain childfree, a decision to become vegetarian/Vegan, one's sexual preference (or support for it)...

"You're too young to know what you want"

2009-03-18T03:36:00.002-05:00

When people hear I don't ever want kids, one of the most common responses is that I'm too young to know what I want. Why is it that no one tells a pregnant teen who decides to keep her baby instead of getting an abortion that she's too young to know what she wants? Why is it that no one told my cousin, who was 20 when she got pregnant, that she was too young to know what she wanted? How is it that they're old enough to decide to throw their whole lives away by having a child so young, but I'm not old enough to decide that I don't want to throw my life away?

It makes no sense to me. It really doesn't. I thought long and hard about the topic of children when I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) a year and a half ago, because I was told that due to the medication I'm on, it would not be a good idea for me to get pregnant. I decided that, for a number of reasons, I definitely don't want kids. I was told by my doctor to take precautions against getting pregnant, and even though I have never been in a relationship and don't foresee being in one in the near future, I made the decision to go the permanent route and get sterilized. I see little reason in messing with anything less than permanent if I shouldn't get pregnant to begin with and was advised to take precautions. Yet, I get told that I'm too young to know what I want, that sterilization is out of the question until I have a couple of kids and/or I'm in my late 40's.

No one quizzes a 20 year old mother about why she wants that child, but everyone quizzes - and ridicules and dismisses - a 20 year old who is making a decision based on a lot of thinking and reasoning. If a 20 year old is old enough to make the permanent decision to have a child that she'll be stuck with for more or less the rest of her life, then a 20 year old is also old enough to make a permanent decision to never have children.

I never really introduced myself...

2009-03-18T03:12:00.002-05:00

It just kind of hit me that I never really made an introduction post.

I'm 19, as my bio says. I've never wanted kids, and it always made me mad when adults would tell me "oh, you'll change your mind when you're older" and give me a condescending smile, acting like it was cute that I said I didn't want to be a mom. When I was younger, it was mostly because I just didn't know why anyone would want something as noisy as a baby around. As I got older, it became just as much about my freedom to do what I want in life without being tied down, as about the noise. I don't want the responsibility of raising a child, nor do I even particularly like them. There are too many things I want to do with my life and life is just too short for me to take all those years to have and raise kids I wouldn't even like.

I'm very quiet usually, even though I'm also very opinionated - I'm just too shy to speak up. I'm passionate about the arts; I love to write - I'm working on a couple of books right now - and I used to draw a lot until I began having problems with my wrist. Music is a big passion in my life, and it's one thing I don't think I could live without. I played flute for a few years before having to drop it (also due to my wrist) and I currently play guitar.

I have to have my quiet time, my time to write, and listen to music or play my guitar, and unwind. I get stressed out too easily if I don't. I'm very emotional, so I try to keep my life at least semi-quiet and I keep to myself a lot (being so emotional is just too draining otherwise).

The main reason I started this blog is to have somewhere to voice my thoughts and feelings. I'm new to the term 'childfree' and I was thrilled to learn about it. For a long time, everyone around me was telling me how I would change my mind one day about wanting kids and it was not only frustrating, but depressing and I always felt like the odd one out, being pressured into something I don't want. I was starting to feel angry at the world for being so baby-crazy and kid-centered; knowing there are other people out there who share my views is helping me to better deal with the people around me trying to convince me that my views are wrong, or that I'm too young to know what I want. There are people I may never convince that I'm serious, but I feel like I can handle them now.

A wonderful reminder of why I don't want kids

2009-03-17T23:25:00.002-05:00

My aunt and cousin stopped by the other day to drop off a birthday present for me. They had my cousin's 3 year old daughter El with them. (This is the aunt and cousin who don't have jobs). No big deal. El's a cute kid when she's not cranky.
We gave El her birthday present (her birthday is a few days before mine, but we weren't there for it); it was a Curious George book and she really liked it. She wanted her mommy to read it to her. My cousin tolerated that for all of 2 sentences - during which she sounded very bored - before she went outside to wait in the car while my mom and aunt talked. What the hell? This is her kid, but she pawns her off on me. Thanks, cousin, but I'm not your free baby sitter. If you didn't want to put up with a kid, you shouldn't have had her.
El didn't want me to read to her, so I was stuck trying to entertain a 3 year old with a short attention span for god-only-knows-how-long. She likes my cats and wanted to pet one, and she understands how to be gentle with them, so I tracked down a cat. But she got bored with that really quickly. And the coloring. And saying hi to my other pets. And saying hi to the cat again. It became very monotonous.
I couldn't wait for them leave and they weren't even there for an hour. I couldn't wait to go do something I wanted to do. I can't tolerate trying to entertain a small child like that - I was exhausted after that short time with her.

There is no way in hell I'm going through that 24/7.

It really gets me

2009-03-17T22:46:00.002-05:00

I don't understand why some parents are so inconsiderate and/or don't care what their children are doing.

A couple weeks ago was my 19th birthday; it fell during the week and since my mom and I both have work, we decided that we'd celebrate the following weekend. First, my grandma was going to take me shopping for a new pair of jeans - my favorite brand stopped making the style I like, so it was a long search for a pair that fit right. The last store we were in, when I was trying on a couple different pairs, this mother came into the fitting rooms, ushering 3 kids, all under 5 and all boys. I could hear her half-heartedly trying to make the boys behave, but it just seemed to make them more rambunctious. Fortunately for my sanity, I was just about done and I got out of there fast. Lady, why did you take your children clothes shopping with you? It's boring for kids and bored kids are a bad thing.

Then we went out to lunch, which I had been looking forward to. And guess what? 5 minutes after we get our food, a baby starts screaming, and it's parents weren't doing a damn thing about it. Okay, first off people, shut your damned hell spawn up. Second, if you want to go out to eat, then leave the baby with a sitter for a couple of hours instead of subjecting the rest of us to its screaming while we're trying to enjoy our meals. That baby cannot eat anything at the restaurant so there's no reason for it to be there. They finally left after another 15 or 20 minutes and not a minute later, a family is sat in the table next to us - and they have a young child and baby/toddler. We didn't stick around long enough for that kid to begin causing a disturbance.

Dentist office the other day: woman and her 5 year old son (guesstimate; he didn't look old enough to have been in school for long, if he was at all, but he was definitely older than my cousin's kid) were in the waiting room. Kid was playing with a PSP. (Why he had an expensive thing like that is beyond me; kids that young don't understand how to take care of things, so it's likely to get broken before he's had for very long). The receptionist asked the mother something and all of a sudden the kid is loudly saying "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy". All the mother did was tell him that she was talking to someone and then ignored the incessant "mommy, mommy".
I wanted to either smack the kid or tell his mother to shut the hell spawn up, but I held my tongue. Mother went back to talk to the dentist a few minutes later. Kid's older sisters came out to watch him, only they ignored him. Fortunately, he was focusing on the game again, but when his mom and big brother (god, how many kids did this woman have?!) came out, he got loud again. Older siblings took him out into the foyer/hall while their mom paid the bill. I had my earphones in and its hard to hear things in the foyer from inside, but I still heard the kid screaming and carrying on and saw through a window that he was crawling on the floor, butting his siblings' legs with his head.
And his mother didn't do a damn thing about it.

When I was little, I would never have behaved that way at home, let alone out in public. My mom would have kicked my butt and I knew it. The couple of times I misbehaved or threw a tantrum in public, we went home immediately and I got in big trouble. I had also been taught not to interrupt people when they were talking to someone else. Why is it so hard for parents to teach their kids some respect and manners?

Are women really so desperate?

2009-03-02T22:56:00.002-06:00

Are women really so desperate to ruin their bodies by pregnancy that if their eggs are bad they will buy another woman's eggs so they can have a child? My mom saw an article on Yahoo! earlier this week/late last week about young women being able to sell their eggs for couples who want children but the wife is infertile.

I'm not understanding this. That child will not biologically be the 'mother's'. It may as well be adopted, so why don't they just ADOPT and save their body from the hells of pregnancy - and give some poor unwanted kid a home? Granted, I assume the egg would be fertilized by the woman's husband, but if the big reason they want a child is to pass on their DNA, then it kind of defeats the purpose for the 'mother'.

I just don't get some people.

And, as a side note, the cousin I mentioned in my previous post...yeah, it sounds like she's on/soon going to be on welfare. Yeah, thanks Cousin-dear. Now my tax dollars are going to pay for your spawn and your manicures and crap just because you don't feel like working. I love you, too. /sarcasm

Stupid freaking breeders.

I can't believe this...

2009-03-02T21:16:00.003-06:00

I can hear my mother talking to my grandmother right now about my cousin's daughter. She's going to turn 3 soon, and her mom and grandmother (my cousin and aunt, respectively) want to take her to Chuck E. Cheese. That costs money. Neither of them have a job. My cousin expects her ex-husband, her kid's dad, to pay child support and support BOTH of them. She doesn't want to have to work to support the kid; she just wants to go spend money and get her hair and nails done. Her daughter is just an accessory for her to drag around and show off, and she doesn't care about her well-being. That poor kid hardly sleeps, she gets cranky very easily, she won't eat much, and she has no schedule in her life. My cousin expects everyone else to feel sorry for her for having such a hard time taking care of her daughter, and not being able to find a job even though she hasn't really been looking. She's such a typical breeder and it pisses me off. The thing is, her mother is no different. They aren't TRYING to take proper care of the kid. They want everyone else to support them so they don't have to lift a finger.
And these are a 24 year old and a 40-some year old; my cousin has never had a job, and my aunt has never kept a job for very long and has long periods of unemployment. Compare that to their 19 year old cousin/niece who has a steady job and is the primary caretaker/financial support for her pets (and those vet bills can add up fast).
Stupid breeders.

This is great! X3

2009-03-02T21:08:00.002-06:00

I had to take one of my pets into the vet today and was waiting afterwards to be checked out, when in walked an older woman with a toddler; it sounded like it was her grandson. She had a scarf tied around his torso and was hanging onto the end of it - a leash. Granted, the kid seemed pretty well behaved, but...she had him on a leash! ALL small children should be kept on leashes so they can't wreak havoc on the rest of us poor souls.

THIS is Why Breeders Piss me Off

2009-03-01T22:54:00.000-06:00

There are certain places you just don't take kids. Health food stores are one of them, in my opinion. Hell, ANY store besides a toy store. I was at the little local health food store the other day to pick up a few things and I'm talking to one of the attendants about the benefits of different supplements and such to help with joint pain, when in walks an overweight mother and her chubby 6 or 7 year old daughter. I'm bad at guesstimating children's ages, so I'm not certain, of course. But what does moomie do? Go about her business and let Bratleigh dance and spin around in the middle of the store. The kid could have tripped and knocked something over, and there were glass bottles/containers right there!

Then, Bratleigh wanders off and when I go up to the counter to pay for my stuff, there she is digging at the little hard candies in the jar (or whatever those were...) and loudly asking her mother if she could have some. Moomie doesn't hear her and she nearly runs into me turning around to go find her; then she comes back to dig through the candy again and nearly knocks me over to go find Moomie once she picks what she wants. Stupid kid has no respect for other people...

It seems like I can't get away from kids when I go out...church, of course, I'm not surprised. Especially at mine, which is very child-friendly. I don't care for church to begin with (I go only to make my grandmother happy) but this one is tolerable for the most part because everyone I've talked to seems pretty nice. But, there are the little hell-spawn running everywhere.

While waiting for service to begin, I was sitting in the front atrium, sipping my Dr. Pepper (I needed the caffeine something awful and I'm not a coffee-drinker) and just relaxing and listening to my MP3 player. There is a piano in that particular seating area, which doesn't bother me. I like piano music. I do not, however, enjoy listening to little hellions bang around on it and torture the poor instrument. And that's what they were doing. I turned my MP3 player up full volume on a particularly loud song and I could still hear them! Thank the gods for their short attention spans.

Then, I see 2 boys - probably around 5 and 6 or 7 - running around, wrestling on the floor and being monsters. Their dad is right there at a table, sipping his coffee. What does he do? Stops them, says something, and leaves them alone for the rest of the time they were out there.

On my way to the service a bit later, I got plowed into by some 9 or 10 year old boy who wasn't paying any attention to where he was going. He didn't apologize, but I think he was too scared of me to apologize; he looked terrified when I glared at him (which I admittedly found freaking hilarious). The service was blessedly free of crying babies this week, which is a bit unusual.

Afterwards, I witnessed one more thing about breeders that pisses me off. I was waiting in the front atrium again, this time for my grandmother to get out of the traditional service. I had my earphones in, music up full blast and I was writing and trying to ignore the hellions running around me wreaking havoc. I noticed one of the coffee tables move a bit out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't think anything of it. A couple minutes later, I'm tapped on the shoulder by a woman with a crying 5 or 6 year old daughter being coddled by her husband behind her.

She asked me if I had seen what happened and I said no, I hadn't; I was too absorbed in my writing. Apparently, Bratleigh smacked her head on the coffee table and Moomie was trying to find out what had happened. I'll tell you what happened you stupid ditz: Bratleigh was probably climbing all over the chairs like the other kids and lost her balance and hit the table. You shouldn't expect everyone else around there to watch your stupid spawn if you're too damned lazy to watch them yourself. They're YOU'RE freaking responsibility, not mine! Seriously, why wasn't she watching the kid?

Then, of course, there's the usual crying baby at the restaurant we went to eat at after church. And no one was trying to quiet baby down.

Stupid damned breeders...